Don't You Forget About Me
by ladyaicilef
Summary: Lovino has been suffering for a year ever since Antonio died. Suddenly, the Italian is visited by an angel who gives him a miracle. He brings Antonio back to life. The only problem though is that Antonio forgets entirely who Lovino is! Spamano. AU.
1. Chapter I: Miracle

**A/N: Tell me if you enjoyed this or not please~ This is just another random idea that popped in my head, lol.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia, bro.**

oOo

The weather that day was the same as it was exactly a year ago. It was miserable and rainy. I kept my gaze on my leather shoes as I sat on a random bench a few blocks from the cemetery. The bouquet of roses that I bought lay beside me, probably damaged from the heavy downpour. I didn't bother bringing an umbrella with me, so I was soaked to the bone. I didn't care though.

I couldn't believe that it has been an entire year. The past year has been nothing but pure agony. I would never answer my phone, I didn't eat much, and I spent most hours of my day on my couch emptying bottles after bottles of wine. I was a fucking mess, but I didn't care. I didn't know how to keep living if the one person that made me feel like I was worth something was killed for no fucking reason. Why the hell do people kill for pleasure? Why did they kill him? They could've killed anyone in the entire world… but they killed the love of my life. Antonio.

_I can't do it…_ That's what I kept telling myself. I couldn't find the strength to pull my ass off of that bench and visit Antonio's grave. It's been an entire year… but my pain has only gotten worse. I feel as if it was my fault. I am the reason why he was killed. I know I didn't physically do it, and I didn't ask those men to do it for me… but it's my fault. If I haven't of gotten jealous because he was going on about how fucking perfect my brother Feliciano was, and if I didn't started another fight, causing him to storm out of the house late at night to clear his head. Then Antonio would still be alive.

His death was my fault.

A sob escaped my lips and I buried my face in my hands. Would Antonio be happy if I came to visit him on the anniversary of his death? Or does he hate me eternally? I grabbed the bouquet of roses beside me and slammed them on the ground out of frustration. _I can't do it, I can't do it, I can't do it…_

"You look like you could use a drink."

I slowly removed my hands from my face and glanced up to see a man standing in front of me with a simple black umbrella over his head. I felt my nose twitch when I saw those piercing jade eyes staring into my soul. I didn't like that man at _all._ "What the fuck do you want?" I said in a weak voice, causing me to mentally slap myself.

The man raised an eyebrow that looked more like a fucked up caterpillar and sat down beside me, "Look, if your life is a complete mess, sitting on a bench in the rain feeling sorry for yourself won't fix anything, lad."

I felt my anger boil in my stomach at both his British accent and what he just fucking said to me, "_Excuse me?"_ I said in a low voice.

"You heard me perfectly fine, don't make me repeat it." He sighed and dug out a cigarette from his pocket.

"Who the _fuck_ do you think you are? You don't even fucking know me! So stay the _fuck_ out of my business!" I snapped as I stood up, about to leave.

The bastard clicked his tongue as he lit his cigarette, "Oh, but you're wrong, lad."

I froze and turned around to give the man a death glare, "What the fuck are you saying?"

"Language hasn't changed at all," he mumbled as smoke escaped his lips, "I know more than you think, Lovino Vargas."

I felt my mouth open slightly, "Wh-who the hell are you, you creep? S-stop playing fucking games with me!"

The man smiled slightly and took another drag on his cigarette before answering, "My name is Arthur Kirkland, and I came here to give you a miracle."

I honestly didn't know what to say so I waited for him to continue, "Antonio died before his time. He and you do not deserve this, Lovino."

I felt tears rolling down my face as I stared at the man, "J-just stop it… I d-don't want to..."

"Lovino," he dropped his cigarette on the ground and crushed his with his expensive looking shoe before continuing; "I came here to give you another chance."

"Wh-who are you?" I asked again.

"I am an angel that watches over you." The man had a soft look in his eyes, but I didn't buy it.

"And I'm the queen of fucking England. J-just leave me alone… leave me alone." I didn't even bother to wipe off the tears that were streaming down my face.

The bastard didn't say anything. He just smiled with his a hand in his pocket before I was blinded by the brightest light I have ever seen. I let out a yelp and shielded my eyes. Instead of feeling the usual dull emptiness inside, I was filled with overwhelming warmth. I peeked through my fingers and noticed that the light did not hurt my eyes. I stared ahead and gasped when I saw the man's silhouette with large wings attached to his shadow. Then everything went back to normal just as fast as it happened, and I was staring at the normal looking man who then had a smug look on his face. You don't even know how fucking bad I wanted to punch that smirk away.

"Judging by your expression, you believe me now, yes?" he said.

"Y-y-yeah…" I stuttered.

"Perfect. Now normally… we angels are forbidden to do this type of stuff but…"

"Then why the hell do you want to help me?" I said, feeling my brows scrunch together.

"Because I know exactly what you are going through…" Arthur said, and for a split second I saw pure sadness in his eyes.

"Why me then? I'm not the only person who is… going through this pain. And how the hell do you know how I feel? You're a fucking angel!"

Arthur let out a small laugh, "Every angel is assigned a single person to watch over. So obviously, I watch over you, and only you. I see how you live your life these days and it brings me back to when I was human and the one I loved died in a car wreck. Like you and Antonio, we had a huge fight. We were still fighting as we were driving home and well… he lost control. He died and I lived."

"You were human?" I asked dumbly.

"Of course, lad!" he chuckled, "Not all humans who die become an angel, though. When a human is born, a random spirit in heaven is chosen to watch over that person for their entire life."

"Oh," I said, nodding slightly.

Arthur sighed before glancing around nervously, "Enough questions, I think they realize what my plan is. Now, you had better be thankful!"

Before I could ask what the hell he was doing, everything went white again. It felt as though I was spinning uncontrollably, and I felt slightly sick to my stomach. When I opened my eyes again, I was sitting back down on the exact same bench, the weather was exactly the same, and I was still soaking wet. I looked beside me and saw the abused bouquet of roses still on the ground. I felt a tear roll down my cheek. _A dream…?_

_Not at all, _I jumped when I heard Arthur's voice in my head; _everything is exactly the way it was in the world… except for a few changed I have made. Antonio is alive. His friends and family forget that he died. His grave has disappeared from the cemetery… but there are a couple mistakes I made._

_Antonio's alive? W-wait what mistakes?_ My stomach started to bubble with excitement.

_Well, um, for some reason, I couldn't take away all of your memories of Antonio dying. And… well…_

I tapped my foot impatiently as he stuttered in my head. I jumped when I suddenly heard a voice above me, "Why are you out in the rain? You'll get sick!"

I felt everything go numb. That voice… I looked up through my soaking wet bangs that covered my eyes and felt more tears escape my eyes. Those caring emerald eyes filled with slight concern, that curly brown hair, that smooth tanned skin, that well-built body. Antonio. It felt as though my body was on auto pilot as I jumped up off the bench and attacked the man with a crushing embrace. There he was… the love of my life was alive and breathing. I could breathe in his scent again; I could have my life with him again…

"Uh… sorry do I know you?"

My brain came back to life and I slowly pulled away from Antonio, "I-it's me….y-you know…"

Antonio tilted his head to the side with a confused look on his face, "Sorry, man… I haven't seen you at all in my life. Maybe you have me mistaken for someone else."

_And that is the second mistake I made…_ Arthur said.

_What…?_ I stared at Antonio with wide, shocked filled eyes.

_Antonio doesn't remember anything about you, Lovino. He doesn't even know who you are. To him, you are a stranger._

I felt as if my insides all shut down as I continued to stare at the man in front of me. Antonio scratched the back of his head sheepishly before flashing those white teeth at me, causing my heart to skip a few beats, "Look… you're probably sick because of the rain. Why not come back to my place? I'll wash your clothes for you and make you some supper!"

"S-sure…" I mumbled.

Antonio held his umbrella over both of our heads and started to lead us to his apartment that I've never been to in exactly a year, "So what's your name?" he asked happily.

"Lovino," I mumbled.

"Nice to meet you, Lovino! My name's Antonio!"

_I know_, "Huh…" I replied.

Sure, I felt disappointed as fuck. But Antonio was alive and breathing again. So it was a miracle to me. It hurt me to start entirely over with someone whom I have loved for four years, but I was willing to do it. I was going to make Antonio fall in love with me again whether the bastard liked it or not.

**A/N: Yeah this just randomly came to mind today XD I hope you enjoyed~ I was planning on making it a one-shot but…that aint gonna happen XDXD Pleeeeease review~ :3 I will love you fowever and ever if you do~ XD Good reviews will really inspire me! :D**


	2. Chapter II: Home Again

**A/N: Thanks for the reviews gaizzzzzz~ ; A; I ish happeh. So yeah, I was thinking of liek making a background story bout Artie cause I **_**do **_**have a couple things up ma sleeve. Yeah I had USUK in mind… y'know? :P Tell me what you think. SOOOOO heres chapter TWOOO! ^^ please R&R and I will let you do whatever you want to France. ;)**

**Disclaimer: Hetalia does not belong to me. Like… nothing at all. Have a lovely day. :D**

oOo

As Antonio led me to the apartment, I couldn't help but feel light headed. He was leading me to the apartment that _we_ lived in together. Also, I sold the damn thing a while ago. It felt as though I were living in a hazy dream. Kind of like those ones that you have when you're half asleep that feel so real, but then you trip and jolt yourself awake.

Antonio seemed to notice something wrong with me, because I was snapped out of my thoughts when I felt a large warm hand cover my forehead, "Wh- what are you…" I mumbled.

"Oh man, you're hot!" Antonio gasped, "Your forehead is like a… toaster or something!"

I snorted at his brilliant simile, but felt a frown tug at my lips again. I honestly didn't know what to believe. There he was; smiling at me and worrying about me (even though he didn't know who the hell I was), but what if it were to all disappear? What if this was a dream? I groaned as my head started to spin. I could hear my pulse pound through my head, and my face _did_ feel extremely hot. Before I knew it, my legs gave out and I felt his strong arms around my skinny frame.

"Lovino? Hey! …almost …hang …ovi…"

oOo

"Ngh…" I groaned as I opened my droopy eyes.

I studied my surroundings before sitting up with much effort. _This isn't my house… I've been kidnapped?_ I rubbed my eyes, then took a better look at what looked to be the living room. I scrunched my eyebrows together when a damp cloth fell off of my forehead and onto my lap. _Would a creepy kidnapper want to take care of me? _I stopped my absurd thoughts when it finally hit me… I was in my old apartment. The living room was _exactly _the same.

"No, no, no…" I shook my head and rubbed my eyes again.

"Oh, you're up!"

My amber eyes glanced up at Antonio who was standing in the entrance to the living room. He changed into a red dress shirt and simple black slacks. I blinked and glanced down at my outfit and noticed that I was wearing a white T-shirt and a pair of jeans that were a bit too long on me.

"How are you feeling, man? You passed out on our way here because of your high fever. I'll go get you a bowl of soup if you'd like, I just made some a few minutes ago." Antonio said as he scurried into the kitchen.

"Sure," I mumbled as I followed him, "Did you change my clothes when I was asleep?"

"Of course I did! They were soaking wet, _mi amigo!_" Antonio grabbed a bowl and poured what looked like home-made tomato soup in it.

"…pervert." I mumbled with a hint of playfulness in my voice.

Antonio gave me a confused look before laughing, "So I see you're feeling a bit better, no?"

I nodded as I stirred my spoon around the soup. It was the exact same soup that Antonio would make for me when I was sick. The chair across from me groaned as it slid against the tile floor and Antonio sat in it with a curious expression. I avoided his eyes and continued to stir my soup.

Silence fell across us as I started to slowly eat. I hated the way I was feeling… Antonio was sitting right I front of me. He was fucking _alive._ But I could only feel sadness. It made me feel sick because I was so selfish. But all of the memories of us two… they were completely gone and probably never coming back. My thoughts went to that Arthur guy. Did he only bring Antonio back to life because of what happened in his past? When he mentioned the person that he loved, the look in his eyes…

"May I ask you something?" I glanced up at Antonio's voice and blushed slightly at the way he was resting his cheek in his palm.

"Sure." I mumbled.

"Okay so… can I call you Lovi~?"

That time I really did meet his eyes, "No you fucking can't!" I snapped.

"Haha! Okay, okay, Lovi~!" He said with a wink, causing my heart to jump in my throat, "And now for a more serious question… why were you out in the rain all alone like that?"

I swallowed slowly and looked down at my hand that I was clenching on my lap. This was Antonio, so I could tell him anything. He didn't know me though... but if I kept my feelings locked up inside, I would probably end up going crazy. Maybe it'd be good for me to tell Antonio about the thought that had been lingering in my mind as I sat on that bench, refusing to visit my lover's grave.

"I...w-well…" I stuttered and met beautiful emerald eyes.

Antonio didn't say anything, but those eyes were encouraging me to move on, "I was planning on… g-giving up on life…" My words were barely a whisper, but I could tell that he heard what I said perfectly.

I felt my body start to shake. It was true, only a few hours earlier, I was considering suicide. My agony had become too much… I saw no purpose in waking up in the morning if no good were to come into my life. I just suffered and suffered… there was no end to it. I was slowly losing my faith and my mind, and I just wanted to get out of my living hell. I was so lost in hopelessness that I literally couldn't breathe at some points. So ending my life seemed like the best option for me.

"Suicide…?" He said slowly, probably letting his mind adjust to what I had just said.

"Y-yes…"

"Why would you ever want to end your life, Lovino?" Antonio said in a soft soothing voice, "Life is a gift that we need to cherish. Sure, it gets so bad at some points and you don't have the strength to move forward, but good things will always come afterwards. We are all created to live life at its best… we weren't created to end our lives before our time."

"B-but I lost everything! Why live when you have absolutely _nothing _in your pathetic life? Y-you don't understand the fucking pain I've been going through this past year, Antonio!" My eyes that were blurry from all my tears widened, and I clamped my hands over my mouth. I said too much…

I heard him get up from his chair and couldn't help but let a small sob out into my hands. _Shit, shit, shit I said too much. I made him mad, I made him-!_

My thoughts were interrupted when I felt a calloused hand cup my cheek, forcing me to look directly into intense emerald orbs, "You may think that you've lost everything… but there's always something in your life that will never leave you no matter what. And you're the only one who can figure out what it is."

I stared with at him with wide eyes as he smiled that _smile _at me. It felt as though I were living in a deja-vu, but no matter how much you blink and shake your head, you're still in it. I felt the corners of my mouth twitch up at his words. He didn't even know me… but he treated me exactly the same way he would in the past.

"Do you have a home, Lovino?"

I blinked in slight confusion. Did I really look like someone who had been living in an alley? I looked down at my hands that had never stopped trembling, and my thighs that were so skinny that it was unhealthy. My eyes were droopy with large bags, and I probably looked like a puppy that had been kicked way too many times. That's when I realized what he really meant by his question.

_Are you living at a place that you can call home?_

"No…" I admitted.

That apartment would never be my home. Anywhere in the entire fucking world would never be my home except for the apartment that I was currently sitting in. No… any house without Antonio would never be my home.

"I know that we barely know each other… but I want to see you smile, Lovi. So… please live with me? I don't want you to suffer all by yourself anymore." Antonio smiled warmly at me with the kindest look in his eyes.

I felt my heart stop. Did he seriously just say that after knowing me for a few hours? Was there something in his mind that made him feel as if he knew me from before, but he couldn't quite figure it out? I didn't really care, though. All I cared about was that I had an opportunity to come back home.

"Fine… whatever," I said, but I could feel myself actually smile for the first time in a year.

It felt like everything was finally worth it. The sun in my world finally decided to rise again. I felt my inner numbness dissolve away just like that, because I was finally home again.

**A/N: Yeeey chapter two y'all :P Thanks so much for the reviews~! They really inspire me! Im sorry… this chapter is short and kinda like… cheesy XD…And slightly OOC? OTL But I swear it'll get better! I have plans up ma sleeve~! Whenever writing stories I find that chapter two is like… MEH to write and stuff. Or is it just me? Yeah… just me n ANYWAY please R&R! Merci~**


	3. Chapter III: Friends

**A/N: Thankyou guys for the wonderful reviews~ :3 Ah man… I just woke up and Im sleepy but after reading my reviews I wanted to update right away! Don't worry, I got ma big cup of coffee with me**

**= w=b **

**Yeah… Spain's being nice… he's not just being a creep and letting roma into his home so that he can do questionable things to him….hehe.. *doesn't sound convincing* /shot/**

**Anyway my rambling is over. Ohyeah and I said if I got reviews, then you could do whatever you want with France, so here you go! *throws a tied up france at you* Enjoy.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia or the characters.**

**oOo**

It's been a couple days since I first started living with Antonio. We never got out shopping yet, so I had to wear his clothes that looked extremely baggy on my skinny body. I wasn't complaining though. I watched Antonio with an amused expression as he ran around the house, trying to clean everything in a hurry.

"Oi, bastard! What's up with the cleaning?" I shouted over the vacuum cleaner.

Over the past couple of days, Antonio had gotten used to his nickname that I used to call him all of the time. I wasn't surprised that the idiot just laughed when I first brought up the name "bastard". I felt my mouth twitch into a smile at the idiot's personality that was exactly the same as I heard the vacuum cleaner shut off. "What was that, Lovi?" Antonio asked as he entered the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of water.

"All morning, you've been doing nothing but cleaning, bastard." I sighed, "Is there someone coming over?"

"Oh, yeah there is!" Antonio said with a wide grin before seeing my expression, "Oh sorry, Lovi! I didn't really tell you did I?"

"Nope," I said and took a sip of my coffee, "But whatever. Is it friends or business?"

"My two _los mejores amigos!_" He said happily and glanced at his watch, "_Mierda! _They're supposed to be over in like five minutes!"

I rolled my eyes and heard the vacuum roar back to life. His two best friends, huh? So I was guessing that Wine Bastard and Potato Bastard Two were coming over (Francis and Gilbert). I wonder if they still knew who I was. Yeah, the two were annoying as fuck, but they were my friends until I decided to hide myself from the world. Would they still remember that Antonio and I were lovers?

I heard the doorbell ring, followed by an obnoxiously loud knock on the door. I glanced over at Antonio who probably couldn't hear anything over the vacuum, so I got up and answered the door. Even though I was expecting to see Francis and Gilbert at the door, I still couldn't help but feel slightly shocked when I saw them standing there. There they were after so long…

"Lovino?" Francis asked as he looked into my probably tired looking eyes.

"_C-ciao…_" I said and looked away when I saw their shocked expressions.

"_Mon ami…_" Francis said in a soft voice. Well that was weird; he wasn't being a creepy pervert for once, "What happened to you, Lovino? You disappeared for an entire year without telling anyone."

"And you're so thin Lovino!" Gilbert added in.

I stared at them with wide eyes. Usually I'd get pissed off and tell them to screw themselves, but for once these two were being serious. And they were worried about me? I could feel my eyes start to sting. I jumped slightly when I suddenly felt arms around me. Francis was hugging me… but it wasn't one of those creepy pervert hugs that he gave when he wanted to grab my ass. It was a normal embrace that told me that Francis was there for me. I didn't hug him back, but I let my body relax, "Just… things happened." I sighed as Francis let me go.

"You two know Lovi?"

I jumped and looked over to see Antonio standing behind me with a confused expression. "Oh! _Oui, oui! _We almost forgot why we were here!" Francis chuckled.

"_Ja_, of course we know little Lovi! We've been friends since high school!" Gilbert said and Francis nodded.

So that was the bullshit story that Arthur put in their heads? I actually met the two idiots through Antonio about four years ago. I couldn't help but wonder how many lives that Arthur fucked up for me. How many people had lies put in their heads? I nodded, "Y-yeah… we've been friends for a while."

"But then Lovino just disappeared for a year! Everyone was so worried... especially Feliciano." Francis said softly.

I felt my eyes widen when Francis mentioned my little brother. Oh God… I was so absorbed in my own thoughts over the past year that I forgot all about him. It felt as if he was the only one who loved me besides Antonio, and I just left him to worry about me. But I guess I was wrong… who was Francis talking about when he said "everyone"?

I glanced back Antonio and who was giving me a reassuring smile. I looked into his eyes and knew what they were telling me right away.

_See? You haven't lost everything._

"So, Toni, how do you know our little Lovi?" Gilbert asked as he slung an arm around my shoulders, causing me to tense up.

"Well… why don't you tell them Lovi?" Antonio said, giving me an encouraging smile, "You don't have to tell them, though."

"Wh-what? You two came over for Antonio, not _me!" _I said.

"But we're curious~!" France whined.

"Yeah! It's either you tell us or we all get horribly drunk. You're choice." Gilbert said as he waved a half empty bottle of beer at me. Oh God… he didn't drive himself there did he?

"Fuck. Fine, I will," I said as I untangled myself from Gilbert and made my way to the couch, "This is gonna be a long fucking story so you might as well sit down."

The trio nodded and all crowded in the loveseat across from me. I couldn't help but snort at them as I occupied the couch all by myself. So they deserve to know… well except for the whole Antonio dying part. I'd leave that out since they'd probably shove me in the mental hospital if I told them _everything._

"So it all started about a year ago," I sighed, "I felt as though my life wasn't turning out the way I wanted it to and started to get absorbed in depression. Nothing was going right; it felt as if every one of my dreams were being crushed right before my eyes. I was going through something like an inner crisis, I guess.

"People started to notice that something wasn't right when I didn't show my face for about a week. Feliciano would come over and try to comfort me even though he didn't know what I was going through. He was there for me when I needed him, but I was so selfish and too busy pitying myself, that I didn't even respond to him. I would just sit there like a rock while he tried to get some answers from me. I didn't look at him or talk to him… so he would eventually start sobbing and say he would come back later.

"Those visits became less and less frequent… probably because he couldn't take the stress anymore. Back then, I convinced myself that he just gave up on me and had better things to do. I eventually disconnected my phone and locked all entrances to the apartment. I didn't pay my power bill so I had no electricity. The only time I connected with the outside world was when I paid my rent.

"So months went by… and I spent every day sleeping and drinking and rarely eating. When I got drunk, I was unaware of the pain in my life. I considered drugs a few times… but even then I didn't have the balls to do them. After about seven months, realization hit me; I lost everything. Because I closed myself off from the world, the few people that loved me gave up on me decided that I didn't exist anymore. Well, that's what I told myself.

"That's the reason why I became depressed in the first place… it felt as if no one was there for me and no one loved me. Every time I looked into someone's eyes, it felt as though their eyes were telling me that they didn't care about me. I always had a negative personality, and I insulted people even though most of the time I didn't mean it. So I forced myself to believe in things that were not true.

"So… not even a week ago. I left my apartment and went for a walk. I sat down on a bench, not caring that it was pouring out, and decided that I couldn't take anything anymore. I decided that if I were to commit suicide, maybe good things would finally come. That's when Antonio showed up. So…yeah… he took me into his home even though he barely knows me…"

I stopped my story then because I honestly didn't know what else to say. I coughed awkwardly at their silence and looked down at my lap, feeling embarrassed. I wasn't much of a story teller to begin with, so spilling out my entire story made me feel extremely uncomfortable.

"You're stupid," I heard Gilbert say, causing Antonio and Francis to look at him like he had just sprouted four heads, and me to frown even more if that was possible.

"Calm down, I'm not done yet!" Gilbert sighed as he got up and sat beside me, slinging an arm over my shoulders again, "Never tell yourself that there's no one who loves you and cares about you. 'Cause there always will be. No matter what, Feli, Franny, and the Awesome Me will always be in your life. And hopefully Toni will be in it from now on. Oh yeah, I know that Francis is a dick, but he cares for you!"

Wow… I forgot how much of a bastard Gilbert was. I felt Francis and Antonio plop down on my other side, "We will always be here for you, _mon ami_, so it's time for you to change your life and think only positive thoughts because the positive thoughts are the only true ones!"

"Yeah they're right, Lovi!" Antonio said, "You don't need to be alone anymore."

The three all happily agreed with each other, and before I knew it, they tackled me with an awkward group hug. Fuck… I really _hated _a lot of attention. But that didn't stop me from smiling slightly. They were still the same three idiots from a year ago. I was the only one who knew about Antonio's death, but everyone found happiness again. Francis, Gilbert, Feliciano… even that bastard Ludwig; they all cried at the funeral. That's when I knew that Antonio was gone for good, and that's when I knew that all of our lives would feel empty and smiles would have to be forced for probably the rest of our lives.

So not only did that Arthur guy change my life, he changed everyone else's lives. I felt a warm tear slide down my cheek. Things were going to be the way they were before, even if their pasts were all bullshit. Because like I said before, I was going to make that bastard love me again.

About an hour after all of the awkward embracing, the four of us were in the living room drinking wine and beer (well only Gilbert was drinking beer). We were just laughing and enjoying the evening. Yeah, I know, I was fucking laughing. Even when the four of us got together in the past, I would spend most of the evening scowling and rolling my eyes at the idiots. But then just like that, I felt my heart get crushed when Francis decided to change the subject.

"So Antonio~ how are you and your girlfriend doing?"

I choked on my wine after letting my mind adjust to Francis's words.

**A/N: AAAH SHIT. OH YES I DID. I hope you enjoyed~ so yeah, you now know how Lovi spent his wonderful year. So the story is now turning out to be more positive…. ish XD Do you know what I do to help me write? I listen to the HetaOni OST o wob**

**Anyway, please review gaiz~! ^^ Because really, your reviews inspire me to write more! I might even write the next chapter later tonight! O_O But don't count on it… I also have to update on my Gerita story too. **

**Thanks again~ You guys rock! Now I want some lunch lols. Bai bai! :3**


	4. Chapter IV: Reunited

**A/N: I didn't get as much reviews as I would've liked for the last chapter, but oh well ^^ Its another morning and im sleepy again my my cup of joe never lets me down. I really wanna watch the mask of zorro for some reason n I said I might update last night but I didn't cause I was watching criminal minds then storage wars XD Man I really need to update on my gerita story soon too o Ao**

**Anyway… she's not gonna be a huge character but Im making spains girlfriend Belgium. :P**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia or any of its characters.**

**oOo**

"My… girlfriend?" Antonio said after a slight pause.

"_Ja!_ How is she doing?" Gilbert said as he slapped Antonio playfully on the back.

"Well… we're kinda off." Antonio said with a nod.

Off? What the hell does he mean by _off_? I was kind of surprised at how oblivious the three idiots were because I'm pretty sure that I was glaring intensely at them… well mostly Antonio.

"Well, everything we talked about, we seemed to disagree with the other and we kind of fought a lot lately… so we're taking a break from each other." Antonio shrugged as if it was no big deal.

Judging my Francis's expression, he was kind of on the same page as I was. _Break?_ That's bullshit! Why do people think that taking a fucking _break_ will fix their problems? Obviously Antonio needs to dump the bitch and realize that it's in-fucking-possible for him to be even the slightest bit straight!

"_Mon ami,_ I don't think that taking a break is the best thing to do. If you guys don't get along well, why not try to talk it out? Taking a break won't fix anything. I suggest that you dump her, Antonio." Francis crossed one leg over the other and took a sip of his wine.

"I totally agree with Francy-pants!" Gilbert burst in, clashing his beer keg with Francis's wine glass that he was still drinking from, causing the frenchie to choke.

"No way, man! I can't do that because I love her!" Antonio whined.

I really wanted to grind my face across concrete. That sounded much more pleasant than sitting in this room talking about Antonio's fucking _girlfriend_! I sighed heavily through my nose and took a swig of my wine. I tapped my foot impatiently as the three bickered and shit until finally it felt like I was just going to blow up, "Well," I announced causing three pairs of eyes to look at me curiously, "It's fucking hot in here so I'm gonna take a walk."

"Huh? It's actually cold in here… wait Lovi!" Before Antonio could say anything else, I slammed the door.

I let out another heavy sigh and started my way down the long hallway that I always hated full of doors that led to other peoples apartments. I eventually started jogging, pushing a few random people out of my way, until I finally breathed in some fresh air. I paused for a moment before stomping down the street for a couple blocks and leading myself right into an empty alley. My back hit the cold brick wall behind me as I took a few deep breaths to calm myself down.

I have never been able to control my anger. My parents would always take me to anger management classes when I was a kid, but they didn't help at all. I remember my dad sitting my down one day after anger management classes failed horribly, and he told me to do one thing when I could feel my anger rising like a thermometer.

"Inhale and count to seven, then hold your breath for seven seconds, before exhaling for seven seconds. Do that every time, Lovino."

I thought he sounded like a retard when he told me that. What's with the number seven? But I still do it today, and it really helps I guess. So after doing my weird breathing thing, I opened my eyes and pushed myself away from the wall, "Oi Arthur! I know you can hear me so you'd better fucking show yourself!"

I probably looked like a mad man to people who were walking by the alley, but I really didn't give a shit, "Arthur! I need to fucking talk to you _now!_"

I could hear something behind me that sounded like a faint flutter of wings. I turned around to see just who I was looking for… and he was glaring at me, "What the bloody hell do you want?" he snapped.

I rolled my eyes, "You know for an angel, you're not very angelic. Did you have those caterpillars on your face as a human? Or are they some weird ass angel thing?"

"Don't you _dare_ insult my eyebrows, twat! That had better not be the reason why you had summoned me!" Arthur scrunched his brows together and ran a finger over one before glaring at me again.

"No," I growled, "You made another mistake, you bastard!"

"And what was that?" Arthur sighed impatiently.

"You brought Antonio back because you wanted to give me another chance, right?" I snapped.

"That is correct."

"Well then, why the _fucking hell_ does he have a _fucking girlfriend_?"

Arthur pursed his lips slightly and crossed his arms. His eyebrows scrunched together again as he thought. I honestly though he was thinking of a solution to this problem, but… "I don't know." He shrugged.

"_You don't fucking know?_" By then it felt like the town was going to blow up with me.

"Look," Arthur growled, pinching the bridge of his nose, "I was unaware of that. The thing is, I can't go and change everything again. Do you know how many people's lives I changed for _you_? Changing everything around again would be a pain in my arse. Also, that would make _me_ and even bigger pain in the arse in Heaven."

"So you're saying you can't do anything about it?" I stared at him in disbelief.

"That is correct."

"What the fuck? Look you-" I started.

"No _you _listen to _me _Lovino Vargas!" He commanded, purposely making his voice boom and echo from every nook and cranny in the alley, "You are being nothing but selfish, Lovino. You don't realize how lucky you are. I made a miracle happen for you, but you still don't think it's enough! Millions of people in this world would _die _for what I did for you. And here you are, whining and complaining about it.

"I am not going to come along and snap my fingers every time you have a problem! You are going to live a normal life from now on. There will be no second chances. This is a problem that _you _have to fix, Lovino Vargas. None of your problems are my business anymore!"

I heard the sound of fluttering wings again, and in the blink of an eye, he was gone. I winced as I crashed my back into the cold brick wall behind me again. I felt nothing but complete shock. As he spoke to me, I could hear his voice boom inside of my head. His skin and eyes seemed to glow and I couldn't take my eyes off of his terrifying gaze.

I slid down the wall and sat my ass down on the damp concrete. As much as I hate to admit it, the bastard was right. I was being selfish. I leaned my head back against the wall and stared up at the cloudy sky above me. It looked like it was going to rain soon. My eyes closed, and I inhaled the heavy damp air. _Maybe I'll just rest for a bit before going back_, I thought to myself, because honestly, I was tired as hell all of a sudden.

I didn't care what people thought of me, and I didn't really want to see their faces. So my eyes remained closed as I heard people mummer stuff like, "Look at that poor man in the alley," and, "Should I give him some money?" "No, hun, he'll just use it to buy drugs and alcohol."

I snorted. I must've looked some damn bad for people to mistake me as a hobo. My ears continued to pick up the sound of footsteps shuffling by me. Suddenly, they picked up the sound of someone coming to a halt and a light gasp. That caused me to crack an eye open and glance over at the person who made the sound. When I spotted the individual, I couldn't help but gasp as well.

There was a man who was probably a few centimetres shorter than me standing in the entrance of the alleyway. He wore expensive looking leather shoes, simple blue jeans, and a beige jacket over a salmon coloured T-shirt. He had a youthful looking sun kissed face, and wide dark amber eyes. He had light auburn hair that he parted in the middle of his forehead, and sticking out of the left side of his head was a stray curl, just like the one that stuck out of the right side of my head.

Standing before me was the one person I couldn't help but think about every day besides Antonio. There was my little brother, Feliciano Vargas.

Feliciano dropped his grocery bags, but continued to stare at me. I stared back, my mouth unable to form any words. Finally, at the same time, we both managed to croak out one word, "_Fratello?_"

"L-Lovino…?" Feliciano said in a shaky voice, obviously about to burst into tears.

"_Si,_ Feliciano, it's me." I said quietly as I got up from the ground.

Without warning, Feliciano flung himself at me and had me in a suffocating embrace. Now usually, I'd tell him something intelligent like, "go fuck yourself" but this was my brother who I haven't seen in about seven months, so I hugged him back.

"L-Lovi…no!" He hiccupped, and I rubbed small circles into his back, "I've m-missed you s-so much! How are you doing? Wh-why are in in an alley? P-please speak to me!"

I felt tears roll down my cheeks as my brother wailed in my ear, "It's okay, Feliciano. I'm all better now."

Feliciano broke the hug and stared me with shock filled eyes. He slowly started to smile and he hugged me again, "_Fratello_… It's great to hear your voice again. I have missed you so much!"

"I've missed you too, Feli." I said, calling him his nickname that I rarely called him, "I'm sorry. But I'm all better now, I promise."

"Thank God…" Feliciano breathed, and then squeezed my hand, "I want you to know that I thought about you every single day, Lovino!"

"I'm happy to hear that." I smiled, squeezing my brother's hand back.

Feliciano smiled again before letting out a small "oh!" and running over to grab his grocery bags, "I was just out buying some stuff to make pasta! I would really like it if you came over to my place for supper~!" He had an obvious pleading look in his eyes.

"I'd love to." I said, causing Feliciano to jump up and down, almost hitting a random person in the face with a grocery bag.

I smiled as my brother continued to rejoice in his own unique way, he didn't change at all. "Before we go, I need to tell Antonio that I won't be home for supper." I said.

"Antoni-who? Home? Huh?" Feliciano stopped jumping up and down and tilted his head curiously at me.

"He's a friend who asked me to live with him," I said simply, "You should come with me, I think he really wants to meet you."

"Oh really?" Feliciano sounded as if he won the lottery, "I'd _love_ to meet him too! He sounds like a nice guy!"

I snorted and nodded, "Yeah, he kind of saved me…" I mumbled.

"Huh?" Feliciano asked as he looped his arm around mine.

"N-nothing! Let's go…" I said, trying to untangle myself from Feliciano's surprisingly strong grip. I failed.

oOo

When we got to the apartment, I led Feliciano in without hesitation. I looked around to see that the other two idiots were gone. I could hear the banging of plates and such in the kitchen, "Antonio?" I called.

Immediately, his curly brown head popped out of the kitchen, "Oh there you are Lovi! Are you feeling better now? I got kind of-"

"Yeah, yeah," I interrupted, "Uh… this is my brother."

I saw Antonio's eyes widen when he noticed Feliciano standing behind me staring at a fruit fly or something retarded like that. Feliciano turned his attention over to Antonio and skipped over to the Spaniard, "_Ciao!_ My name is Feliciano Vargas! I am Lovino's little brother! I am 21 years old so that means that I am four years younger than my big brother! Because he's 24!"

Antonio stared before he burst out laughing, "I think you mean three years younger, Feliciano!" he chuckled before extending his hand, "It is a pleasure to meet you, my name is Antonio Fernandez Carriedo!"

"Antonio Fernandez Carriedo? Holy crap that's a long first name, veh~!" Feliciano said, causing me to face palm.

"You idiot!" I said, "That's not only his first name! His first name is Antonio!"

Feliciano took a second to comprehend before nodding, "Oh, right, right! Sorry Antonio!" He giggled.

"No problem, man!" Antonio grinned.

"Oh yeah, I also came back to tell you that Feliciano invited me over to his house for dinner. Is that okay with you?" I said.

"Oh, of course it's fine!" Antonio said cheerfully.

"Wait!" Feliciano suddenly yelled, causing Antonio and I to give him confused looks, "I think that I should make pasta _here_!"

"Huh? Why?" Antonio asked.

"Because! I want to get to know you better Antonio! Okay I'm going to make pasta now~!" Feliciano picked up his grocery bags and walked into the kitchen.

"Idiot!" I growled, "You can't just barge into someone's kitchen and make pasta without their permission!"

Antonio laughed, "No it's okay! I'd like to get to know Feliciano better too!"

I sighed and sat oh-so-gracefully down on the couch, "Whatever." I grumbled.

Antonio left Feliciano in the kitchen and sat beside me, "Wow," he chuckled, "You and your brother are…"

"Nothing alike at all." I finished for him.

"Yeah!" He chuckled again, "Did you run into him on the street or something?"

"Yeah I did…" I glanced into the kitchen and smiled as my brother started to sing the Italian lullaby that our mother used to sing to us all of the time, "He's exactly the same."

"I'm so happy~!" Antonio cooed, throwing his arms around me.

I could feel my face heat up and pushed him off of me, "D-don't touch me you idiot!"

Antonio only laughed again, "Sorry, sorry!"

I sighed and buried my face in my hands. This was going to be a long fucking night.

**A/N: YEEEY. Longest chapter yet! Hopefully I can keep them around this size, hehe. ^^ So yeah, here is a more positive chapter. I had fun bringing Feli into the story :3 So yeah~ Please review and tell me what you think! Reviews make me cry rainbows 3 Holy crap… I started this at 10 and it's now 1 PM **

**o no. Well I did make myself breakfast like… hallway through this chapter… Now I need lunch lols. So thanks again for all of the wonderful people who review and watch this story! ^^ I'll try to update as soon as I can!**


	5. Chapter V: Regret

**A/N: Sorry that I took a few days guys! . I've been like… extremely tired and uninspired (LOL that rhymed *shot*) But I got some sleep, and read the newest chapters of fanfics I'm subscribed to, so now I feel a boost of inspiration! ^^**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia. O AO**

oOo

I sighed as I ran my fork through Feliciano's freshly made pasta. I probably looked grumpy as hell since I was sitting there with my face propped up on my chin, and my mouth was in a tight frown. But I was really enjoying myself. It was hard to believe that Antonio and Feliciano were "strangers" to each other because by the way the two were chatting up a storm; you would've sworn that they met at birth or something.

The pasta was so delicious… I never realized how much I missed my little brother's cooking. I twirled some around my fork and shoved it in my mouth, letting out a content sight. Feliciano seemed to notice my sudden "mood change" and grinned so wide, I could've swore that his mouth was going to rip apart, "Are you enjoying the pasta, _fratello_?"

I held up my finger as I gulped down some wine before answering, "It's fucking good," I said before shoving some more in my mouth.

Feliciano bounced up and down in his seat and clapped his hands, "Yaay~! I'm so happy!"

"Lovi, y'know you could choke if you continue to eat like that." Antonio said, sounding amused.

"Shut up." I growled before downing the rest of my wine.

"Neh, _fratello_…" Feliciano watched me as I poured myself another glass, "You're drinking a lot of wine tonight."

"Yeah. And?"

Feliciano sighed, "Oh, nothing…"

I quirked a brow at the tone in his voice, but he perked up again as if it never happened, "So~! How long have you and Lovino been living together? Why _are _you living together? Are you dating?"

Antonio and I both choked on our wine at the same time. I looked down at my plate, my face probably beet red as Antonio cleared his throat awkwardly. "Uh… We're not dating, Feliciano." Antonio said.

"Oh really? I thought it meant that two people were dating if they live with each other because Ludwig and I are-"

I grabbed an apple from the fruit bowl and chucked it at him, "We're _not_ dating you idiot! Haven't you ever heard of _roomates_? And you're _what?_ What were you about to say about you and that potato sucker?"

"Veeeeh! _Fratello's _mad! I'm sorry!" Feliciano wailed and ducked his head under the table.

"What have I told you about him_?_" I growled at my brother.

Antonio's sudden burst of laughter caused us both to stare at him with confused looks, "I'm sorry!" he chuckled, "You two are just so amusing!"

I immediately plopped my ass back in my chair and crossed my arms. Feliciano, though, joined in on the laughter, "Hehe~! I know right? This happens once in a while because he hates my boyfriend~! We've been dating for a few months- OW!" He cried as I kicked him under the table.

"Well now, that's just fucking _great_ to know! Is there any other important news I missed over the past year?" I spat at my brother.

Feliciano's smile suddenly faltered and I felt my heart stop for a split second, "I didn't miss any important news… right?"

"Um… I'll talk to you later because I don't want to make Antonio feel awkward!" Feliciano said.

"No, no! You two need to talk!" Antonio said as he picked up his empty plate, "Thank you very much for the meal, Feliciano! I'm gonna go in my room and finish some of my work and you two talk, alright?" Antonio quickly rinsed his dishes and put them in the dishwasher, and smiled at the both of us once more before retreating into his room.

He was just as respectful as he was a year ago. I smiled slightly as he closed his door. I heard Feliciano sniffle and looked over my shoulder at him to see that he was crying. The site of my little brother crying always broke my heart, "Here, Feli…" I got up from my chair and held out my hand to him, he immediately took it and I led him to the sofa in the living room, "Tell me what happened." I said softly, not wanting to force it out of him.

"I-I'm so sorry Lovino…" he said in a high pitched voice, "I w-wanted to t-tell you but…but…" he couldn't talk anymore because of his breath kept catching in his throat.

"No, no," I wrapped an arm around his shoulder and held him close. The only person who knew this side of me was Feliciano. We fought a lot, so people assumed that we weren't very close, but they were wrong. I was always protective of my brother, and like I said before, it broke my heart to see him cry. I was always there for him and I pushed my negative personality aside when he needed me, I still do, "It's my fault that I didn't hear the news because I chose not to communicate with anyone, so please don't blame yourself. Now tell your _fratello _the news…"

"It's…. its _mamma_…" he cried into my shoulder.

I felt my heart stop again. Something happened to Mom? "Wh-what happened?"

"She…" Feliciano lifted his head off of my shoulder and looked into my eyes, "She has lung cancer, Lovino…"

"C-cancer?" I couldn't believe it. I _refused _to believe it, "N-no… she doesn't have cancer."

"She does, Lovino!" Feliciano cried, "Th-the doctors caught it early, thank the Lord, a-and she's been in treatment for a few months now… b-but... just recently…"

"What happened just recently?" I whispered.

"It got worse. She's back in the hospital."

I stared at the floor with a blank expression. Hell, everything about me felt blank. This was our _mamma _that we were talking about. This was the woman who raised us alongside our father and showered us with nothing but love. She was the woman who always had a smile on her face. The one who's eyes would get those tiny wrinkles around them as she laughed or smiled. She was the one who held me when I cried, the one who supported me through my tough times. She and dad both accepted that I loved another man, and she was the first one to hold me and whisper soothing words into my ear at the funeral, even though I didn't respond.

I pictured her long curly blond hair, and her soft amber eyes. _My _eyes. I pictured her face, the one that everyone said that Feliciano and I resembled so much. I felt my brother's arms around me as I started to cry.

oOo

Feliciano didn't stay long after that because he was afraid that Ludwig was going to get worried. It was about a half an hour after Feliciano left and I didn't move from the couch. I leaned my back against the cushions and stared up at the ceiling fan that was slowly rotating around, and around, and around…

I heard Antonio's door click open, and the sound of him yawing. But I continued to stare at the ceiling fan. He was humming a familiar song under his breath as he started the shuffle toward the kitchen, but came to a halt when he saw me on the couch. I probably looked like shit. My eyes were stinging, so obviously they were red and puffy. My cheeks were probably flushed too. My expression was unreadable and my muscles didn't want to work, so I probably looked like a rag doll.

"Lovino?"

I rolled my head to the side to look at him, but didn't say anything.

Antonio had a concerned expression and hesitated slightly before sitting down beside me, but keeping a small distance between us, "Do you want me to call Francis or Gilbert? You shouldn't fight whatever is inside you alone."

I continued to stare at him. He was so supportive and respectful at the same time. I knew he wanted to, but he didn't offer to talk to me about it because he thought that I wouldn't be very comfortable talking to him about it (even though I spilled out my entire pitiful story to him the other day).

"I'll call Francis; he is an amazing person to talk to when you're-"

I grabbed his cellphone that he just flipped open and shut it. He stared at me with a confused expression. I stared at his phone in my hand for a minute before looking back up at him, "I want to talk to you about it." I mumbled.

"A-are you sure, Lovino? I'd love to talk to you, bu-"

"If we are going to be living under the same roof, then we shouldn't treat each other like strangers."

Antonio blinked before nodding at me. He scooted a little closer and stared at me, waiting for me to tell him the news. I sighed, and stared at him with probably eyes full of sadness, "My mom has cancer, and things aren't looking too good. And there's nothing I can fucking do about it…"

Antonio understood right away and nodded, "I see," he said, "you know, Lovino, you may be surprised at how much you can actually do by doing something that seems so small."

I stared at him with a slightly confused expression before he continued, "Go see her," he smiled gently at me, "Visiting her will mean the world to her, Lovino. That can fix so much. You know, I know how you feel. My father passed away from pancreatic cancer a few years ago…"

That's right… I remember the day his father died.

"I wasn't very close to him…" Antonio continued, "So I didn't see him when he was in the hospital. We fought a lot, so I assumed that he hated me and I made myself believe that I hated him. I regret not seeing him, y'know? It could've done so much. You have the chance to do that right now, Lovi!"

I stared at him, and then felt a smile tug at my lips, "You're right," I said, "_grazie _Antonio…"

"I'm happy to help you, Lovi~!" He said, then pulled me into a hug.

I froze at first, unsure of what to do. Then eventually I ignored my negative thoughts and hugged him back. I rested my forehead on his shoulder and breathed in his familiar scent, everything suddenly felt so _right_. I don't know how long we held each other, but it kind of felt like he didn't want to let go of me either.

The sound of the doorbell caused us both to jump. We pulled away and stared at each other for a second, both of our faces flushed. Antonio glanced at the door, then back at me, "You look like a tomato, Lovi!" he chuckled before getting up to answer the door.

I forced a frown on my face, even though I was thrilled to hear that line. He used to say it to me pretty much every day… I grabbed a pillow on the couch and buried half of my face in it.

"Bella?" I heard Antonio say when he answered the door.

"Hello, Antonio…" I heard a very familiar voice and slowly turned.

There in the doorway stood a girl with short wavy blond hair and bright green eyes. She had a sad expression on her face as she looked at Antonio, "I'm sorry… You know, I really missed you." She whispered.

_Oh fuck. Oh my fucking fuck. No way…. No…_

Yep, that was Bella alright that stood in the doorway. She was a girl I knew from high school. We weren't the closest, but we used to go out for a drink or something once in a while. I stared with probably a dumbfounded expression as the two fidgeted.

_Fuck…_

She glanced over at me on the couch and blinked a couple times, "Oh! I'm sorry," she said to me, "Who's this Antonio?"

"Oh, r-right," Antonio said, "Bella, this is Lovino, a friend of mine. And Lovino, this is Bella, my girlfriend."

"It's nice to meet you." Bella said with a smile.

"Yeah… you too." I said.

Just when I thought my day couldn't get any worse.

**A/N: Yaaay next chapter is completo~ XD *dodges flying bricks and bullets* I am sorry. I don't like SpainxBelgium at all. I really don't know **_**how **_**to um… write Belgium. So I apologize if she's OOC. So please review guyz! ^^ I hope I edited this enough O AO I actually had tears in my eyes when I was typing up about Lovi and Feli's mom :C Anywayz, I shall update soon~! Lols bai bai for now.  
>Please review ;D<strong>

**I can't stop listening to this song and watching this video! The song and video are both so cute! . **

**.com/watch?v=xVjhI47nORs**


	6. Chapter VI: Sancuary

**A/N: Hey guys! ^^ Thanks for the reviews on the last chapter. I only got 3 reviews, but it's better than nothing right? :P So I'm on my knees guys… please review on this chapter! Reviews inspire and encourage me! You can tell my bad things too, otherwise I won't know how to improve my writing. So please review! :D**

**Disclaimer: I like, don't own Hetalia. Like, I know right? It like totally sucks, but if I like owned it then I like wouldn't be writing fan fictions…like, you know? *shotforactinglikepoland***

oOo

Just when I thought my day couldn't get any fucking worse. I stared at Bella in the doorway and couldn't think of anything to fucking say! Why? Because that was _my_ fucking _boyfriend's girlfriend!_ Well… okay he wasn't _exactly _my boyfriend but… fuck. And not only that, I was just trying to comprehend the fact that my mom was sick in the hospital with a deadly disease! I just wanted to hop in a fucking truck and run that bitch over.

"Actually, Lovino and I are living together right now, Bella." Antonio said as he invited the bitch into the house.

"Oh… really? Why is that?" I mentally smirked at the tone in her voice. Antonio, of course didn't notice because of his _amazing_ skill at reading the atmosphere.

"Well, he needed a place to stay, so I welcomed him in with open arms~!" Antonio said happily.

"Oh, well okay then." Bella said.

I snorted at the sudden awkward atmosphere, causing them both to look at me, "I'm gonna go." I said as I stood up from the couch.

"Oh. Are you sure, Lovi? I mean…" Antonio gave me an apologetic look.

"I need some air. Bye." I said in a monotone and walked out the front door, making sure to slam it hard.

Okay, I was being a bit harsh. Bella wasn't that bad of a person… but that didn't stop me from getting pissed. My anger was beginning to get overwhelming, causing me to feel a little light headed. I leaned against a wall and did my breathing exercise. After I felt my pulse slow down, I sucked in a shaky breath, not even realizing that there were tears streaming down my face. I shoved my hands in my pockets and walked quickly out of the suffocating building. When I looked up at the blue cloudless sky mixed with pink and orange along the horizon, my body automatically turned right, heading for one of my favourite spots.

oOo

My spot was probably a 45 minute walk away, but it was worth it. The most annoying part of the walk was marching through a thick forest to get to the area. With my amazing talent of not keeping my balance, I tripped about every five minutes, scratching a different part of my body every time. When I broke out of the stupid forest, I let out a content sigh. The area hadn't changed at all since I last went there.

I looked around the green meadow that seemed to shine in the sunlight. The slight breeze in the air ruffled the grass, making it look like the entire meadow was dancing. There were wild flowers of every possible color that you can think of that danced along with the grass. I stared at the sparkling river ahead and felt a small smile on my lips.

I named this place "My Spot" back when I was a child. Whenever I had something on my mind, or I just needed to get away from my life, I would come here. People rarely found me here because it was so hidden. The only other people who knew of this place were probably random people who passed by on boats in the river.

I walked over to where the land met the water and sat down on the soft grass. I kicked off my sandals and dipped my feet in the cool water. My eyes closed and I tilted back my head, letting the sun warm my face. A memory of my childhood suddenly came to mind.

It was early August and I was about nine years old. I got pissed off at Feliciano over something that he didn't even do. He was always popular in school. He could snap his fingers and get five new friends just like that. That was because he was friendly with everybody. Me on the other hand… not so much. I had a tough time in school. People never understood why I had such a sour personality, and no one wanted to get near me to find out. Eventually the boys in my class started verbally abusing me and I was the type of kid who took everything seriously.

So, Feliciano brought a new friend home and I just snapped and ran to this place. I spent hours here screaming and whipping rocks around because my anger was just out of control. When I finally calmed down, I broke down and cried. I don't know how long I was out there… but somehow my Mom found me. Seeing her relieved face made me forget about all of my emotions inside.

I opened my eyes after seeing Moms face in my head, "_Mamma…_" I said quietly, bringing my knees up to my chest.

How was I going to see her? I hate to admit it, but I was fucking scared. I never seen my mom in a year, and during that year, I was completely unaware of her cancer. Would she be mad at me? I buried my face in my knees and closed my eyes again. Maybe I'd ask Feliciano to go with me…

I heard the sound of fluttering wings, so I didn't even bother to look behind me to see who it was, "Did you know about my mom?" I asked quietly.

I heard the sound of footsteps coming closer, and a quiet grunt as Arthur sat down beside me, "Yes I did."

"Why didn't you tell me?" I lifted my head to look at him.

He was wearing his usual black suit, and had a cigarette hanging out of his mouth. His gaze was fixed on the water as he took a drag on his cancer stick and blew out a cloud of smoke. "You know, that really isn't helping the situation, is it?" I spat, glaring at his cigarette.

He rolled his eyes and tossed it into the river, "I didn't tell you because I didn't think that it was my place. You deserved to hear the news by someone you actually liked." His un-amused emerald eyes met mine.

I hummed as a reply ad started picking at the grass beside me, "Why do you even show yourself anymore? Isn't that against angel rules or whatever?"

"Well you already know that I exist, so why bother hiding myself anymore? It really is a bother, I must say."

I glanced up at him and felt an eyebrow cock up at the look in his eyes. Why did he look so lonely? He was an angel. He could go to heaven whenever he wanted. So didn't that mean that he was back together with his lover? "Have you seen you're lover since you died?" I asked.

Arthur's eyes widened for a split second before they met mine, "No, I haven't" he said quietly.

"Huh? Why?" I said giving him a confused look, "Isn't he in heaven?"

"Well… yes he is." Arthur sighed, "Spirits who are chosen to be angels… well they can't interact with the other spirits in heaven until their task is finished."

"That's harsh…" I said, "So you can't see him until I die?"

Arthur nodded, "It is kind of harsh, but it is also an honour to be an angel. We cannot see the other spirits in heaven because we are always on the job 24/7. It's impossible for an angel to take a break from watching over someone, you know?"

"That sounds… stupid." I admitted.

Arthur smiled and shook his head slightly, "You wouldn't understand because you are still a human. Sure, I miss him dearly, but I am not complaining. I will see him some day, so that is all that matters."

"So if I actually killed myself back when I was considering it, you'd be with him right now?"

"Er… I guess," he said, "But I'd probably feel like shit because that means that I would've failed my job."

"Huh?" I gave him a confused look.

"When someone ends their life before their time, the angel who is watching over them failed to well… watch over them. That's probably the simplest way to put it."

"Fuck…" I said, "Your job is confusing. I'd like to see your job description."

Arthur let out a small laugh before turning his gaze back to the water, "Even if he isn't an angel, I can feel him watching me sometimes…" He said quietly, probably not meaning to say that aloud.

"What was his name?" I asked.

He looked back at me, and for once he didn't have that usual smug look on his face. His face actually looked relaxed and his eyes had a warm look in them, "Alfred."

Before I could say anything else, the sound of fluttering wings echoed around me and he was gone. I blinked in confusion before shaking my head and standing up. I didn't have my phone with me, but the sun was just about to disappear below the horizon, so it was probably around quarter after eight.

I gave Antonio and his girlfriend about an hour to probably make up and make out (I wanted to puke), so I decided to head home before it got too dark out. I glanced back at the river and the wild flowers once more before stepping into the already dark forest.

oOo

So after sprinting through the dark forest like a maniac and almost killing myself (there are bears dammit!) I managed to make it home in about a half an hour. I walked in the apartment and noticed that Bella was gone. Antonio sat on the sofa, his mouth in a tight frown as he flipped through some channels on the TV.

"Um… hey." I said, causing him to jump.

"Oh! Lovi!" He had a look of relief on his face, "You're home! It was getting dark so I was worried…and what happened to you?"

I blinked a couple times before realizing that I was covered in dirt and scratches, "I went on an exciting adventure in the woods and wrestled a bear on the way back." I said dryly.

"You went out to clear your head?" Antonio asked.

I was surprised that the idiot didn't believe my bear story, "Yeah… I did."

"How are you feeling?" He asked with a look of concern on his face.

"Spectacular," I said sarcastically again, causing him to give me a serious look.

I suddenly felt nervous by his seriousness, "I'm better…" I admitted, "I'm going to take a shower."

"Okay, Lovi." He said.

"And when the hell did I give you permission to call me 'Lovi'?" I snapped.

A laugh escaped from his lips as I stomped toward the bathroom. I stopped in front of the door and glanced over my shoulder, "I decided that I'm going to visit my Mom tomorrow," I said quietly, "You were right… what you said to me earlier."

I quickly opened the bathroom door and slammed it behind me. I sighed and leaned my back against the cold wood. I was not ready for to visit my mom so suddenly, and I was not ready to see her in that condition. I clenched my teeth and glared at the floor. If visiting and supporting her was the only thing I could do, though, then that was exactly what I was going to do.

**A/N: Crappy chapter endings are crappy lol. But I honestly got writers block at the end of the chapter ORZ. So I hope you enjoyed this chapter ; A; Please review guyz~ It will make my day! If you review, I'll give you a present from Russia with love~ *shivers* Y-you'll like it…. Hehe… o no**

**Oh yeah. And have you noticed my amazing chapter naming skills? XD How do I do it? I think of a random word that makes sense... SHHHH O AO**


	7. Chapter VII: Old times, new times

**A/N: I'm here! Yaaay~! ^ J^ So you gaiz didn't want a present from Russia, huh? Okay, whatever you say… o Ao *pushes box away with a broom***_** kolkolkolkolkol…**_

**Yeah anyway. Thanks so much for the reviews~! *rejoices* Last chapter was the one with the most reviews! Keep up the reviewing guys! ;) So like last night, I was tossing and turning in bed CRAVING to write this chapter but I had to get up at 7 AM so I went to beddy bai early.**

**Yeah. Exciting news, rite? Yeah… so school starts in a week in a half for me. I'm just giving you a heads up cause I probably won't be able to update as much (sorry if I took long this time btw) cause I will actually have a life outside of my bedroom ; A;**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia or the characters. Yerp.**

oOo

_Beep, beep, beep, beep…_

"Ngh…" I groaned as I buried my head under my covers.

_BEEP, beep, beep, beep…_

"Fuck… off."

_BEEP, BEEP, BEEP, BEEP!_

"DAMMIT!" I picked up my alarm clock and whipped it across the room.

I flinched slightly as my clock hit the wall _hard_ and broke into pieces. I also damaged the wall itself… oh well. A shiver ran up my spin as my bare feet touched the cold wood floor, so I wrapped all three blankets on my bed (including my comforter) around me and shuffled out into the living room. My eyes scanned around the room until they saw Antonio in his usual place during the morning. He seemed to have noticed my presence, because he turned around and flashed me a grin, "Morning, Lovino!"

"Nn…" I plopped down at the kitchen table, still in a daze.

Antonio quirked a brow at me, "Y'know, you don't have to wear your _entire bed_ out here…" His eyes scanned my human cocoon before he snorted.

"Wh…what?"

"Oh nothing…" He turned back around to face the stove, with an obvious grin on his face.

He was judging, wasn't he? Well whatever, I was fucking cold so my plan was genius. I yawned and rested my forehead on the table. Fuck… I was _not _a morning person. The kitchen was pretty silent besides the sizzling of cooking food and the occasional banging of a pot. I glanced up at Antonio and noticed that he had a weird expression on his face. After what seemed like fucking forever, he turned around to glance at me, "When are you going to the hospital, Lovi?"

"Don't call me that…" I groaned as I straightened my posture, "And… that. Well… maybe in an hour or so…" I said quietly.

He nodded and turned back to the stove. I cocked an eyebrow at the back of his head and decided to start up some sort of conversation, "So… how did it go with you and your girlfriend last night?"

Was it wrong for me to ask that? I don't really know… I was just fucking curious… and anxious. If they broke up, then I was one step closer to victory. Antonio remained silent for a moment, causing me to become even more anxious. Finally he turned around to look at me, "Well, I don't know yet," He admitted, "we agreed to go on a date next week to see if things could go back to normal. If they do, then that's great! If not…then…yeah."

_Fuck the world.._. I wanted to stab myself in the temple with that available butter knife in front of me. Antonio seemed to notice my change of expression, "Something the matter?"

"Yes… I mean… um… no." I mentally snapped myself.

"Huh? Is it about Bella and I?"

"Yes… I mean…" What the _fuck_? It was just coming out! I swallowed before continuing, "Well no, not exactly. I, er, just don't really… uh… l-like dating in general." By then, that butter knife was calling my name.

"You do?" He gave me a confused look, "Why is that?"

"W-well… it's probably just because of my p-past relationships," I stuttered, "They j-just always seem like they weren't worth it because… _fuck_ I'm hungry." Smooth.

Antonio still had a confused look on his face, but he silently nodded and put some food on a plate before handing it to me. He then got his own plate and sat down across from me, "Lovino... you look tired."

"Hm?" I said with a piece of bacon hanging out of my mouth.

He smiled slightly, "Did you get any sleep last night?"

I picked up my mug and started to chug my coffee, not caring that it was burning my throat, "…No." I admitted.

"Hmm," He nodded, "You must be nervous, huh?"

"Something like that…" I grumbled before shoving a hash brown in my mouth.

He stared at me for a while as I ate, and eventually I started to feel _very _uncomfortable. After eating my last piece of bacon, I glanced at his plate to see that he had barely touched it. I growled, "What the fuck do you want?"

He pursed his lips slightly and rested his cheek in his palm, "There's just been something about you lately… like, even before yesterday."

"Is that so?" I said with an annoyed tone, "You know, I've only been here for about a week and a half, so maybe I'm still trying to get comfortable?"

He frowned and glanced at his plate, "Yeah… sorry."

I frowned as well. That look on Antonio's face… it just wasn't _him. _I know that my weirdness wasn't the only thing on his mind. The man was way too easy to read sometimes. I sighed and set down my fork, "Antonio…"

His head shot up like a dog's would, "Will you come with me… to the hospital?" I asked quietly.

He smiled at me and nodded, "I would love to, Lovi!"

I ignored the nickname (just that one time) and attempted to smile back at him. The truth is that I actually _wanted _him to come with me. Feliciano was coming too, but it just didn't feel right without Antonio. He and my mother were so close. I remember him admitting to me that he felt like my parents were his second parents. It creeped me out though, because we were you know… _dating._ Anyway, I thought that Antonio at least deserved to meet my mother again. Knowing the Spaniard, he would be able to handle the situation well, and give support to everyone in the room.

"Awesome," I said in a bored tone as I picked up my dishes, "I'm going to get ready."

I dragged my "entire bed" back to my room and threw it on my mattress in a giant ball. A sigh escaped from my lips when I looked in the mirror. I looked like shit. How was my mom going to react when she saw me? I ran a finger over the dark bags under my eyes and frowned. Well, there was no way that I could fix that. My hair was a giant mess, too. It looked like a big-ass bird came down, grabbed it with its talons, and flew away with my hair still tangled in its feet. No, I am _not _exaggerating. With another sigh, I grabbed my brush and managed to smooth down my hair and get rid of the tangles.

I continued to stare at myself in the mirror. It looked like a complete stranger was staring back at me. I had those giant bags under my eyes, my skin was pale, and I was extremely thin. I couldn't take my reflection anymore, so I took the mirror off of the wall and laid it face down on my dresser. For as long as I can remember, I have always been self-conscious. If people give me a weird glance, I automatically assume that they think I'm ugly or something. I know, it's a horrible way to live, but I just can't seem to get rid of my self-consciousness.

With yet another sigh, I sat my ass down on my naked bed with a frown. _How is Antonio going to fall in love with me again if I am so ugly?_ Well, honestly I don't know what he saw in my in the past. But at least I looked better back then. _Also, the man might be straight, all thanks to Arthur!_ I buried my face in my hands and let out an annoyed groan.

_Shut up, Lovino! Now is not the time to think about this shit!_

Was I weird for me to talk to myself in my head as if I were two people?

I shook my head, hoping that it would get rid of my negative thoughts and stripped out of my pyjamas. After finding a simple blue T-shirt and a pair of jeans, I pulled them on and walked into the living room. Antonio was sitting on the couch, his eyes scanning over the newspaper. He glanced up and smiled at me, "Are you ready to go?"

_Nope._ "Sure…" I lied.

He gave me an encouraging smile, "Don't worry, Lovino. Everything will be fine, okay?"

_Of course not you fucking idiot_, "Y-yeah… _grazie_."

"Alright, let's go!" He said way too enthusiastically as he grabbed my wrist and started to drag me out the door.

"Wh-what the fuck? Let me go you idiot!" I snapped, struggled, and failed.

oOo

The car ride to the hospital was short and silent. I stared out the passenger window with a tight frown on my face the entire time. When I could suddenly see the hospital out the window, I felt my stomach twist in a tight knot. I shifted uncomfortably in my seat and stared at my lap. Antonio glanced over and gave me another encouraging smile, "Don't be scared, Lovino. There's nothing to be nervous about." His voice was calm and gentle… It made me feel better some-what, but it still felt like a snake was wrapped around my stomach, squeezing it tighter and tighter…

"I k-know… I should be happy to see m-mom…" I said breathlessly, feeling my eyes start to sting.

I wasn't worried about seeing my dad there. He was still alive, and he was still happily married to my mom, but he had to go to Italy for work all of the time, and it was hard for him to get time off. I absently moved my hand to my stomach, hoping that it would somehow ease the nervousness. Antonio kept glancing at me from the corner of his eye until we were parked in the hospital parking lot. I didn't move when Antonio climbed out of the car. Instead I watched him walk around the car and open the passenger door for me. I gave him a nervous glance and un-buckled my seatbelt with a shaky hand. Antonio smiled when I got out of the car and held out his hand. I glanced down at his hand then back up at him with a confused look, "Hold my hand, Lovi~!" He grinned.

Okay… this guy was supposed to be straight? Well whatever, I sure as hell wasn't complaining, "Wh-why… okay…" I mumbled, and slowly reached for his hand.

Without hesitation, he clamped his hand around mine and started to walk. I could feel my heart start to pound, just at the touch of his hand. It felt like a dream, feeling his warm, calloused hand hold mine again. I could feel my face heat up, and my heart was pounding in my ear. With just his touch, I forgot about everything on my mind except for _him._ Everything was suddenly screaming "Antonio" in my mind, and I hated how much I loved it.

We walked in silence until we reached the front desk inside of the hospital. I reluctantly pulled my hand out of his and walked up to the desk. A girl, no a woman… I think (she looked awfully young for her age), looked up from her computer with large green eyes. She had short blonde hair and bangs that fell right under her eyebrows. She also had a blue ribbon in her hair that seemed to bounce when she talked, "Hello, sir. How may I help you?"

"Uh, hello, I'm here to see Maria Vargas."

She glanced at her computer again and she typed in my mother's name, "Ah, yes! Marie Vargas is in room 108." She said.

"Thank you." I turned away from the desk and walked over to Antonio who was patiently standing out of the way of people, "Room 108, let's go." I said and began to walk down the hallway.

He nodded and followed beside me. We took the elevator to the second floor and found the room way too easily. I stood in front of the slightly ajar door, my eyes locked on the large number stuck on the door. That knot, or cobra (whatever the hell you want to call it) suddenly came back in my stomach. It was so sudden, so I held my hand on my stomach again. Antonio put a gentle hand on my back and started to rub small circles into it, "Just take a deep breath, okay Lovino?" He said gently, "I'm going to stand out here and wait until you invite me in, alright? You can do this."

"Uh huh…" I said breathlessly, with a slight nod.

He gave me an encouraging smile, before I knocked slightly on the door and slowly walked in. The room was and average white room made for one person. The afternoon sunlight shone in the window on the far side of the room, and the thin white drapes danced in the breeze that was coming through the open window. My shoes made small clicking noises on the white tiled floor as I tip-toed into the room. I stared at the bed with wide eyes, and suddenly my mind was telling me to run away. _Look at her, Lovino! You can't fucking do this!_

I slowly raised my hand to my mouth at the site of my mother. She was even paler than I was. Her bright, natural blonde hair looked dull and lifeless, probably from the lack of sunlight. Her arms were bony with IV's sticking in them. And her face… her normally bright energetic face looked so fragile and weak. She had a breathing tube in her nose probably because her lungs wouldn't be able to work on their own. Her eyes were closed, so I assumed that she was sleeping until one cracked open at the sound of my footsteps.

My entire body went numb and I completely froze. I just stared at her with wide eyes full of fear and sadness. _How is she going to react?_ I asked myself over and over. I stared at her amber eye that matched mine, and felt tears prickle in my eyes when I saw that familiar spark in that eye. Her mouth stretched into a weak smile and a tear slid down her pale cheek, "Lovino…" she breathed.

"_Mamma…_" I whispered back.

My breath caught in my throat and I let out a quiet sob, "_Mamma!_" I walked over so that I was by her side and took her hand, "_Mi dispiace, mi dispiace, mi dispiace, my dispiace!" _I kept repeating.

"Shhh…" She said softly and slipped her hand out from under mine to cup my cheek, "There is no need to be sorry, Lovino. _Mamma_ understands, okay? I'm not mad… I'm just so happy! I love you so much, Lovino."

"I love you too, _mi dispiace…_" I sobbed.

"Shush now, Lovino." She said gently, "_Mamma _want's to only see smiles, okay?"

I sniffed and then nodded with a grin on my face. That grin wasn't one of my fake ones, and it wasn't one that I was trying to hide. It was a real one, and I'd show it to the entire world if mom asked me to. When I first walked into the room, I thought that she looked weak. But I was entirely wrong, though. Her eyes still had that obvious bold confidence in them. That was the only difference between my mother's eyes and mine. They still had that shine to them that could brighten anybody's mood. It made me feel ridiculous that I thought that she was weak a few seconds earlier.

"I'm so happy." Mom said again.

"Me too, mom." I placed my hand over hers, which felt so tiny and cold compared to mine.

We were silent for a moment. It was a comfortable silence, and I loved how she didn`t even ask any questions about my disappearance. Suddenly Antonio came to mind. And I decided that it was time for him to meet my mother again. I squeezed her hand, "I'll be right back, I have a friend that I want you to meet."

"Alright, sweetie."

I smiled at her voice and jogged over to the door. I poked my head out to see Antonio leaning against the wall beside the door with Feliciano. They were talking amongst themselves quietly, "You're here, Feliciano." I said.

Feliciano looked at me past Antonio and grinned, "_Ciao fratello~!_"

I smiled at him before meeting eyes with Antonio, "You can come in now." I said.

He grinned and nodded, "Alright!"

"I'll just wait out here~" Feliciano said with a slight wave, "Ludwig said that he'll be here soon, so I`m going to wait for him!"

I wrinkled my nose at his boyfriend's name, "Potato bastard is coming?"

Feliciano simply stuck his tongue out at me playfully, causing me to roll my eyes, "C'mon." I said to Antonio.

We both walked into the room to see that my mom managed to sit up on her own. I smiled at her and pulled Antonio closer to the bed, "Mom, this is Antonio."

"It's very nice to meet you." Antonio said politely, with a comfortable smile on his face.

I glanced back at Mom and scrunched my brows together in confusion. She was staring at Antonio with wide eyes, and her mouth was slightly ajar, "Do… do I know you?" She asked.

I glanced at Antonio, still with a confused look on my face. "Hmm…" Antonio hummed, "No, I believe that this is the first time we've met ma'am." He said.

"Oh… I'm sorry! Silly me!" She chuckled, "It just… it just feels like we've met before. It's probably just my mind playing tricks on me though!"

Mom and Antonio both laughed, but I didn't. I stared at the floor with wide eyes. _Does she… does she recognize Antonio from the past somehow? _I blinked a few times and forced my expression to go back to normal. Suddenly Feliciano burst in the room with…ugh…_him._

"_Mamma~!_ Luddy just got here!" Feliciano sang.

I had my mouth in a tight line, but I tried _really _hard not to glare at the blue eyed German who closed the door behind him. He glanced over at me and gave me a small smile, "Hello, Lovino." He greeted.

What the fuck? Well that was weird, but he was still a potato bastard, "Hello." I said normally for once and nodded at him.

I glanced back at mom who was smiling at us all, "I'm so glad that you are all here," she hummed, "I truly am blessed."

"I'm happy too Mom~!" Feliciano spun around on one foot, "And so is Ludwig, Antonio, and Lovino, right?"

"Right." Ludwig said with a smile.

"Of course~!" Antonio sang happily.

I smiled, "Yes."

I couldn't help but feel happiness that was slightly overwhelming. It felt as if I were back in the old days, even though I was on a completely different chapter in my life. I was just so _happy_ to see everyone. Hell, I was even happy to see that beer slurping, potato munching bastard! Well… kind of… I'll never fucking tell him though. Even though Feliciano was telling mom this weird and retarded story, her eyes were on me a lot of the time. I could tell that she had the same overwhelming feeling just like me. I doubted it for so long, but I could actually feel some bold confidence inside of me. Maybe our eyes were completely identical after all.

**A/N: Aaaah~ *has a nice long stretch* I feel good ^^ My longest chapter yet, guys! I want to thank you all for your support~! I wouldn't be able to write this without you ;) So please review and tell me what you think! So since you don't want a present from Russia, *points to box that is mysteriously twitching* how about one from England? :D lolololol~**

**Hurhurhur, please review gaiz~ Hasta la pasta! ;P**


	8. Chapter VIII: Clever plans

**A/N: Hey guys! ^^ Sorry for taking a little while on this chapter! Thanks for the reviews on the last chapter! Keep up the good reviewing! ;D**

**Yeah… yesterday I spent the ENTIRE day reading homestuck XD I read all of act 2, 3, and 4… it took bloody LONG. Lol srry if u donno what it is… but… you should read it O_O Yeah yeah blah blah, get on with the story, fool!**

**Disclaimer: I NO OWN ANYTHING~! (o:  
><strong>

oOo

_He sighed heavily as he shoved his trembling hands in his pockets. His night was going horrible. He mentioned one thing without any second thoughts… and there he was. The man who looked to be in his late twenties looked up at the night sky, which nothing but black. It looked like ink, the way the clouds were mixed in with it. For some reason, the man's face was shadowed. It was hidden, so nobody could really tell who the man really was. He shook his head and continued his way down the quiet street._

_The time was probably 1:30 AM. He didn't have his watch or phone, but he remembered that it was 1:12 when he slammed the door in his pissed off/crying boyfriend's face. Wow, he felt shitty. He swore to himself that he would never hurt his lover, but he pretty much took a hammer and broke the poor man's heart. They were fighting; something that happened quite a bit because their personalities were complete opposites. Yeah, yeah, people _are _right when they say "opposites attract" but there are some pros and there are some cons._

_So anyway, there was a fight. The older man of the relationship (who was walking down the street looking like a mess), he mentioned something without thinking about it until the words left his mouth._

"_Why can't you be more like your brother?"_

_His lover hated those words. He despised them so much, yet everyone said those words to him quite frequently. That was one of the reasons why his lover suffered from depression once in a while. Those words hurt as much as being shot in every internal organ and being forced to stay alive and feel it for the younger man. And the one person he expected _not _to say those words said them. Right away, the man knew that he just made things a million times worse._

_There was a long pause before the man's lover started to sob._

"_I _HATE _YOU SO FUCKING MUCH! HOW COULD YOU SAY THOSE WORDS-?"_

"_Because it's fucking _true!" _The man snapped, "You need to get your act together, _, because your attitude will get you nowhere in life!"_

_Why was he saying those words? He didn't mean them… he didn't mean them… Also, why did the sound around them seem to mute when he said his lover's name? Everything was too confusing… it was like the man was on auto pilot. He stared at his boyfriend with wide eyes, and felt his heart shatter. His lover also had a hidden face. Nobody would be able to figure out the expression on the younger man's face, but somehow, the older man could see right through the shadow. Those eyes… that hurt expression…_

"_I need some air." The man said, looking away from his lover's haunting expression._

"AND DON'T FUCKING COME BACK! YOU HEAR, M-?"_ The man slammed the door in his sobbing lovers face before he could finish screaming._

_So that is how the pathetic, pathetic man ended up on the street all alone. He felt a tear trickle down his cheek and the corners of his mouth started to quiver. It felt like a ball of energy in his chest was building up, waiting to just explode. The man was about to break down and cry, but he wasn't going to do it in the open, even though nobody was there except for him. To the man, though, it felt like everything was laughing at him. The street lights, the buildings, the wind, the rain, the clouds… they were all laughing._

_The man quickly retreated to the nearest ally way, and leaned his back against the wall. He let out a sob and buried his face in his hands._

"_Life's a bitch, huh?"_

"_What…?" The man looked over to where the voice was coming from, but could only see the silhouette of a man._

"_Don't worry, I won't let you suffer no more."_

Get the hell away from this man!_ The man's mind screamed, but before he could run, the sound of a gunshot echoed through the empty city. The man felt intense pain for a split second before everything went cold. Everything was getting darker, darker, darker, until there was nothing but black. That's when he saw the light up ahead…_

oO Antonio Oo

I shot up from the position I was sleeping in and started to gasp for air. My face was damp with cold sweat and my heart was pounding in my chest. What kind of dream was that…?

"Hey…"

I jumped and looked to my left to see Lovino sitting in a chair. He was trying to look casual, with crossed legs and everything, but I could see the concern in his eyes even though it was dark in the room, "Oh… hey, Lovi."

He frowned at his nickname that he hated, but decided to ignore it, "Did you have a nightmare or something?"

"Y-yeah… I did. Man that was weird!" I laughed.

Lovino suddenly got up from his seat and slapped a hand over my mouth, "Shut up, bastard!" He hissed.

I looked over and suddenly realized that we were still in his mother's hospital room. I stared at Maria with a slight frown. She was happy and getting along with everyone one minute, but then she suddenly passed out. She must have been exhausted.

"Hey, wait…" I whispered, "Aren't visiting hours, like, _way _over?"

"Yeah, no shit." Lovino grumbled as he sat back down in his seat beside his mother's bed, "I convinced the doctor to let us stay, and you were already passed out in your chair."

"You could've woken me up!" I said.

I felt _really_ bad. I made Lovino sit in an uncomfortable hospital chair for hours because I fell asleep. Why didn`t he just wake me up?

"No fucking way," he said, "You looked exhausted, so I wasn't going to force you to drive… then pass out at the wheel and make us crash and fall off a fucking cliff!"

Okay, even I could tell that the last part was complete bull. So Lovino didn't want to force me? Oh, how _cute!_ Don't tell him I said that… he is really cute, though… I shook my head and smiled at him, "Thank you, Lovi~! It's nice of you to be concerned about my health!"

"I didn't fucking say that! And don't fucking call me that!" He hissed.

"You probably look like a tomato right now~!" I teased.

"Fuck you!"

We both froze when Maria moaned in her sleep and shifted a bit. Lovino frowned and got up from his chair and stood over his mother, "We should go home now… if you're up to driving this late."

"I was thinking that too." I said as I got up and cracked my back.

I stared as Lovino bent down and kissed his mother's forehead. He then whispered something to her before walking over to me slowly. I could tell that he was reluctant about leaving his mother, but I could also tell that Lovino didn't get any sleep at all. Whenever he blinked, he had a hard time opening his droopy eyes again. He yawned and rubbed his eye lazily. Seeing him do that… it reminded me of a child. I felt something weird inside of me telling me to protect him. I shook my thoughts away and took his hand, just like I did when we walked in. I was glad that he didn't struggle; he was probably too tired to do so, anyway.

I know, I know… you're probably thinking, "_Antonio! You're both men! Isn't that weird?" _Well… I don't really know why I wanted to hold his hand. It just felt… I don't know… Let's change the topic. When we reached my car, I tried to help Lovino into the passenger seat, but he just batted me away and grumbled something about being able to do it himself. I nodded and scooted around to my side of the car as he collapsed in his seat with a sigh. I sat in the driver's seat and started the engine. I then pulled out of the parking lot and started our quiet drive home.

oOo

When I pulled in the driveway, Lovino was snoring lightly in the seat beside me. I looked over at him with a smile, holy _crap_ he was so _cute_! I slapped my forehead, cursing at myself because of my outrageous thoughts before climbing out of the car and walking over to Lovino's side. I opened the passenger door quietly and gently lifted him out of his seat bridal style (I added a mental note in my head to scold him for not fastening his seatbelt when he was awake). I closed the door with my foot and made my way into the apartment building.

I easily climbed the stairs with Lovino in my arms because he was so light. His weight was really concerning, actually. I knew that I was up for a challenge when I got to our apartment door. I somehow managed to lift Lovino up so that his head was on my shoulder, and his arms were hanging loosely around my neck. I wrapped my arm tightly around his waist and used my other to fish my keys out of my pocket. Okay… I was holding a 24 year old man with one arm without a struggle... he really needed to gain some weight.

I opened the apartment door and closed it silently before making my way to Lovino's room (I'm glad that I had a guest room, otherwise one of us would be sleeping on the couch every night!). I gently set him down on his bed and tucked him in. The Italian let out a small moan in his sleep and rolled over onto his side. I smiled warmly at the man and pressed my lips to his forehead gently.

After kissing his forehead, I shot up with wide eyes, _what the hell did I just do? _My eyes slowly looked back down at Lovino, _Well, Antonio, it's obvious that you just _kissed _this man._ Well it wasn't really _that!_ I mean… it was on the forehead… not lips. Lips are a total different story. And I had a girlfriend, maybe, kind of… But was it weird for me to prance around thinking a full grown man was cute, and feeling the need to kiss his forehead? Oh shit… I was reminding myself of Francis. Wait, no… Francis was just a horny idiot, never mind.

When I exited Lovino's room, I face palmed. I was just tired… I just needed a good long sleep. Yeah, that surely was it. I sighed as I dragged my feet into my bedroom and collapsed into my bed. I fell asleep almost instantly.

oO Lovino Oo

"I'm sorry… but you are an idiot."

An obnoxious French accent.

"I am not, man! Trust me, I know what I'm doing!"

A sexy Spanish accent. Wait, what? ...Shut up.

"No you don't! _Mon dieu~!_ You don't know anything about love, _mon ami!_"

"Do so!"

"Ugh. You are such an amateur. It's not even funny."

"KESESESESE! They look like Voldemort, _ja_?"

An even more obnoxious German accent.

"_Mon dieu!_ Stop watching Doctor Who Gil! We are trying to be serious here!"

"Fuck you Francy-panties!"

By then I was extremely pissed off, so I decided to get my lazy ass out of bed. I slammed open my bedroom door, hoping that everyone in the room would notice that I was in a pissy mood. A pair of red, blue, and green eyes all landed on me. I could tell that Francis and Gilbert sensed the atmosphere change, but…

"Good mor- er, afternoon Lovino~! Isn't it a wonderful day? Man, I just made lunch, want some?"

Of course the idiot Spaniard didn't.

"No." I snapped, "I'm not hungry." I stomped over to the sofa and sat beside Gilbert, "You're into fucking Doctor Who?"

"Fuck yes!" Gilbert yelled, "It's fucking awesome!"

"Mhmm, whatever."

Francis rolled his eyes and went back to scolding Antonio, "You should've taken my advice, Tony. I can't see this working out."

"Look, it's only a date tomorrow, okay? And I have a feeling that it _will_ Francis!" Antonio said with a pout.

Oh. Woop-de-fucking-doo. They were talking about Antonio's piece of shit (AKA girlfriend). I wanted to barf all over Antonio's TV because one; Antonio's an idiot. And two; this fucking Doctor Who show. But I just continued to sit on my ass and glare at Antonio.

"Well, don't come crying to me when it doesn't work out." Francis said sat beside me on the sofa.

Antonio continued to stand in the middle of the room with a frown on his face, "Whatever," he said, "I'll go get you a plate of food, Lovi."

"Don't fucking call me that!" I growled.

"Holy shit! Fucking doppelgangers! This is intense!" Gilbert laughed, leaning closer to the TV.

I continued to glare at Antonio who was in the kitchen, and was surprised that his shirt didn't have flaming holes in it by then. I was so into my intense glaring, that I didn't even notice Francis staring at me curiously. "Hey, Lovino…" he said, making me jump.

"Woa, what?" I said.

"Can you come with me for a second?" Francis said.

"Er… okay?" I felt a little bit nervous… he sounded so serious.

I watched as Francis got up and left the apartment. After a couple seconds, I got up as well and followed him. When I walked into the empty hallway, I closed the door behind me and gave Francis a "what the fuck do you want" stare. He beckoned me to come closer with his finger, so I moved about a centimeter. Francis sighed and leaned in close, "You have feelings for Antonio, don't you?" he whispered in my ear.

I felt the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. _God_ that man was creepy, "Wh-what the fuck does that mean? O-of course I don't, retard!"

Francis rolled his eyes, "Do you seriously think that you can lie to _me _about love, Lovino?"

"What the hell? You're not fucking cupid! You don't know everything, yeesh."

"I know more than you think~!" He said with a wink.

"Ugh… you're retarded. I don't have f-feelings for Antonio." I mumbled.

"Yes you do, stop denying. Do you know how easy it is to read you, Lovino Vargas? _Mon dieu, _it's not even funny." Francis sighed, as he flipped his "precious golden locks" which to me, looked like trampled straw that you'd find in a barn. Yeah I know, I'm a great friend.

Anyway, I knew that he could see right through me. So I decided that it was pointless denying it, "F-fuck you…" I said lamely.

"So _cute_~!" Francis squealed, "The moment I saw the both of you standing next to each other, I knew that you'd be _perfect_ together~! We need to work together and find Tony's inner homo~!"

"Y-you're…" I sighed and pinched the bridge of my nose, "It's not gonna be that easy, you damn wine sucker, he is fully convinced that he is in love with Bella, so he's obviously straight."

Francis rolled his eyes again, "Yes, he _convinced _himself, but does that mean that he actually loves her? I think that Antonio is scared of being alone. He has lived alone for so long, and believe it or not, he was having some trouble finding a place in this world. He's just keeping Bella around because he's… scared. Poor girl…"

I stared at Francis, somehow believing his words. Antonio was the type of guy who was scared about being alone? He sure didn't seem like the type. I bit my lip and looked down at the floor, "So what you're saying is…?"

"Now that Antonio isn't alone, he has the chance to realize who he truly is! I can see the un-sureness in his eyes when Bella is mentioned. _Mon dieu~!_ This is like a romance novel or something~!" Francis smirked as he stroked his stubble.

I sighed, "You're an idiot. But I'll play your game."

Francis's eyes lit up, "_Magnifique~! _You will not regret this, _mon petite chou, chou~!_"

"Don't call me a fucking cabbage, idiot!" I growled, "So what's your stupid little plan?"

"We spy~!" Francis winked at me.

"Spy?" I scrunched my brows together and thought before it hit me, "Y-you don't mean…"

"Yes I do. We follow Antonio around on his date tomorrow and spy." Francis said that so casually, and it kind of creeped me out.

"How will that help Antonio realize that he's gay if he is unaware of our presence and we just sit on our asses and watch?" I snapped.

"It won't. I just want to spy on him! _Oh hon hon hon~!_"

"Idiot." I turned around and walked back into the apartment.

Antonio, who was sitting on the sofa watching Doctor Who with Gilbert, perked up when Francis and I walked in, "Oh there you are! Uh… what were you two talking about?" He asked curiously.

"Bears." I said dryly.

"Uh… uh huh. What's with you and bears, Lovi? Anyway, your food's on the table!" Antonio said with a huge grin.

I sighed. I remember quite clearly that I said I wasn't hungry. That was a lie though… I was actually fucking starving. I sat down at the table with a frown. What Francis said… was it true? So did Arthur not screw up as much as I think he did? But even Francis could be wrong. Maybe Antonio was as straight as a fucking stick… or maybe not. He did hold my hand twice the day before. But it could've just been for support! We _were_ visiting my mother after all.

_No! Perk up!_ I told myself. I remember quite clearly what I swore to myself. I told myself that I was going to make Antonio fall in love with me whether he fucking liked it or not! So if Francis's plan was the way to do it, it was what I was going to fucking do!

_You will love me you idiot…_

**A/N: AAAGH I didn't know how to end this chapter lol xD Hopefully this is good enough. So yeah, here it is. Francis is gonna help Lovi get his dream guy XP SO be prepared for many mishaps and adventured (not really… maybe… idk lol XD)And I hoped you liked Antonio's POV ;) Just switching things up a little. And that dream? Hmmmm~…. Anyway, please review~! I will love you eternally if you do! Your reviews are what inspire me to write the next chapter! 3**

**PS: I have nothing against Doctor Who. I think it's pretty fucking awesome. *Highfives Gilbert* And so does Gil ;)**

**PSS: I fixed it. I had "Dr. Who" up before. I put that because I fail at life. It is now properly spelt as "Doctor Who" Lols.**


	9. Chapter IX: Failure but success

**A/N: So I woke up at 12 today and I had a weird feeling in my gut… That feeling was sad, and it was telling me to write more of this fanfic. Now I haven't given up, because lately I've been scribbling down a couple pages in English class whenever I had a chance. But now I am determined to post another chapter for you! I am so sorry that I didn't keep to my word and that I have disappeared for….. a very long time I understand if I lost any followers.  
>ANYWAY. I tried to make this chapter have a little humour for a change. Tried. Keep that in mind cause idk if I'm funny or not XD Please enjoy everyone! .<br>**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. Nuff said.**

"This is stupid."

"Shh."

"No, seriously, this is probably the most stupid thing that I've done in my-"

"SHH!"

"Don't you fucking shush me you smelly wine sucker!"

The smelly wine sucker (AKA Francis) just rolled his eyes and smoothed back his way-to-perfect hair, "Look, you wanted to do this just and much as I did," he said in a calm whisper, "so be quiet, because you're very loud _mon ami_."

I gritted my teeth to stop myself from another outburst, "Okay fine," I whispered back harshly, "but I don't see why we have to hide in a bush like a couple of fucking retards!"

Francis rolled his eyes again, "You are so rude Lovino, and before you rant on about how stupid I am, I'd like you to think of a better place to hide."

I bit my lip and looked at the ground. The bastard was right; we were kind of in the middle of a giant park with nothing else around us, so the two idiots that we were spying on would surely spot us if we hid anywhere else. I let out a sigh through my nose and peeked through the branches, only to see Antonio and Bella sharing some cherry gelato and laughing. I swear, I think the tomato bastard felt my glare full of hatred because he stopped and looked around with a confused expression before getting all fucking flirty again. I wanted to hurl.

Francis tsk'd beside me and ran his fingers through his hair, "Do not fret," he assured me, "this will not go on for long."

I stared at him with a quirked eyebrow as he picked some leaves off of his stylish sweater. Then that stare probably turned to one full of horror as he stood up and started to saunter over toward Antonio and Bella. I immediately started to hiss a bunch of curse words at him, but he ignored me… that cocky prick.

I ducked my head even further into the unusually large bush and peeked through the branches. The idiot walked right up to them, and judging by the way he flipped his bouncy blond locks, he was flirting with Bella. A small laugh escaped my lips when I took a good look at their expressions. Bella seemed to realize that Francis was up to something, for she had a blank expression and a quirked eyebrow. Antonio on the other hand was grinning from ear to ear, just like a child would during the first snowfall of the year. He was so oblivious, the bastard!

Another laugh that was much louder than the first escaped from my mouth, and I immediately clamped it shut. I couldn't help it. It was way to fucking funny how Francis attempted to slink an arm around Bella's waist, but was violently shoved away. Antonio of course didn't notice that, but he did notice me.

Another trail of cuss words escaped from my lips as those emerald eyes locked onto my bush. I stared at the ground and stiffened, hoping that a butterfly would catch the idiot's attention. I ended up growling when I saw those fashionable brown shoes walk up and stop a few inches from my bush.

"Hey guys, do bushes growl?" Antonio called over his shoulder.

Francis smoothed out his hair and his sweater, clearly offended from before, "Well I don't know, maybe you should kick it."

Okay, that was it, "HELL NO!" I yelled as I erupted out of the top of the bush.

Antonio stared at me for a few seconds before grinning again and saying, "Hey Lovi!"

I shot him a glare as my response.

"Why… was Lovino in a bush?" I heard Bella ask in an unsteady voice.

"Yeah, Lovi, that's a good question." Antonio's lips tugged into a confused frown.

_I was spying on you because I am madly in love with you and wanted to fuck up your date. _Okay, that was a little blunt… and I would never say anything as retarded as that anyway, even if you pointed a gun at my temple! So I did what most amazing Italians did, I made up a clever lie.

"W-why the hell is this so weird to you?" I said as I picked some leaves out of my hair.

Antonio quirked a brow, "Because… people don't normally hide in bushes unless they're spying on…" He trailed off and gave me a weird look.

"Like _hell _I'd spy on _you!_ Don't be so fucking full of yourself! Of _course_ you'd assume that, you bastard!" I hissed.

"Err..-"

"If you must know, I'm… I'm.. er-, it's a sport!"

"…sport?"

"Yes!" I snapped, "F-fuck! You're stupid! Haven't you ever heard of it? It's… It's very popular!" I gritted my teeth when I noticed Francis' red face and shaking shoulders. The bastard was laughing at me!

"I still don't-" Antonio mumbled.

"Whatever!" I interrupted, "if you don't know this sport, then that's your problem. It's really-"

"_Oui, oui,_" Francis put a hand on my shoulder (that I shook off), "well sorry to bother you two, we are done playing for today. We'll see you later!"

Francis placed a hand on my shoulder again and started to lead me away, as if I were a child. I hung my head and didn't even bother to look behind me when Antonio called his goodbyes. My stomach boiled with embarrassment and defeat, and my eyes stung with angry tears. I didn't say a word as we walked home.

oOo

It was about a half an hour after I returned home, and since then I had been sitting on the couch with my head leaned back. I absently flipped the TV on and stared blankly at the Doctor Who episode that was playing. Francis was lounging on the love seat with a glass of wine in his hand, and I really felt like punching him. I didn't understand why the hell he had a small look of victory that twinkled in his eyes after such an embarrassing afternoon. I jumped slightly when the quiet atmosphere was interrupted by the door swinging open loudly. Francis and I both stared as Antonio walked into the room slowly.

"Well that was quick." Francis said.

I simply sniffed and turned my attention back to the TV.

Antonio sighed and plopped down beside me, "I… _ugh!_" He sounded frustrated, "I screwed things up…"

I tried not to smile, and Francis changed his position so that he was sitting up and leaning towards Antonio, "Oh? What happened, Tony?"

"Well... we were supposed to go out for dinner, right?" Antonio said.

"Mhm."

"Well… I didn't have my wallet with me so I couldn't pay! And there was no way I was going to make Bella pay! I apologized and she said she understood… so we both ended up going home. I could tell, though, that she was not happy. This was my chance, Francis! My last chance with her and I screwed it up! She is probably not going to call me tonight, even though I asked her to." Antonio let out a frustrated sigh and hung his head.

"Well it's obvious isn't it?" Francis finished his glass and set it gently on the coffee table, "It's a sign from God!"

Antonio looked at Francis with tired eyes, "Huh?"

"And I have been telling you!" Francis continued, "But you would not listen!"

"Wait, Francis, what are you talking about?"

Francis sighed, "You and Bella are _not_ meant to be together, duh! That is the end of your story with her! There is somebody else who is in love with you out there!"

I choked on nothing and tried to make it look like a normal cough. I gave Francis a look that said '_Don't you fucking dare…_' Francis rolled his eyes at me. Antonio straightened his posture and gave Francis and I both a confused look, "Wait… there's somebody else who is in love with me out there? Who?"

Francis sighed, "How the hell would I know? I'm just saying that the right one for you is _not_ Bella!Antonio, just give up on the girl and try to look around. Who knows? Maybe your _l'amour vrai _is closer to you then you think! Maybe you see this person every day! You just need to look, Antonio!"

I sighed and flipped off the TV, turning my attention to the real world. Francis looked at me, "Don't you think so, Lovino?"

Antonio turned his gaze and locked eyes with me. I studied his emerald orbs for a second; they were sad and pleading, but I could also see hope in them. What was he hoping for though? Was he hoping for me to disagree, or agree? I broke the eye contact and looked at Francis' face full of creepy passion, "I agree with you," I said, "I don't see any connection between you and Bella. No chemistry at all. It really is obvious that you two are not meant to be, so I agree with every word that Francis says."

There was a long silence as my last words lingered in the air. I felt my face flush when I realized that I actually stated my honest opinion. That was odd for me to do… usually I was the once who kept my mouth shut during these types of conversations. I slowly looked back up and met eyes with Antonio again. His eyes for once were unreadable. Was he angry with me? Antonio broke the eye contact and cleared his throat, "I'll think about that." He said quietly, "I'm glad to hear your opinions. I'm going to take a nap right now."

I watched as Antonio rose and started to walk toward his room. My eyes never left him until his bedroom door clicked shut. "You seem upset." Francis said.

"Well no fucking shit!" I growled, "He's probably pissed off at me! That is not what he wanted to hear!"

"Do you know that for sure?" Francis said, sounding patient, "Maybe that _is_ what he wanted to hear! Maybe it was your opinion that he wanted to hear and believe. I'm always telling him what I think, and I'm pretty much the only person who does that! Maybe hearing your honest words for once made it get through his thick skull for once. Even if he doesn't agree, which I doubt is the case, he has no reason to be mad at your honesty. If he has to be mad at anyone, it should be me."

My eyebrows scrunched together, "And why is that?" I said.

Francis simply smirked and reached into his back pocket. I felt my face morph into a shocked expression as Francis pulled out Antonio's wallet and waved it around a bit. He set it down on the floor, making it look like it was dropped accidently, and got up from the love seat, "Well it is getting late, _mon petite,_ I had better be going home. Farewell!"

I watched as Francis trudged out of the apartment with his hands in his pockets. When the door shut, I couldn't help but laugh to myself. For once, I was actually rather impressed with Francis Bonnefoy.

**A/N: Well there you have it! After about two months *cries* I finally updated again. I am so sorry everyone, and I really hope that no one gave up on me. Pleeeeease review~! Your reviews inspire me so much! I really hope that this chapter was enjoyable. I hope to update very soon! **


	10. Chapter X: The Entire Story

**A/N: Im baaaaaack~! I wanted to write more yesterday, but the flu bug randomly attacked me outta the blue so I couldn't do anything but sleep all day. Uugh yesterday was horrible… -_- But I'm staying home from school today so I can recover completely, so this afternoon seems like a perfect time to write! Thanks so much for the reviews! I`m glad that some people didn't give up on this story!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. = w=b**

oOo

After Francis left the apartment, I didn`t feel like doing anything. All I could really think about was Antonio... I sighed loudly and sprawled out on the couch, staring at the ceiling fan that seemed to catch my attention a lot. Something in my gut kept telling me to get my lazy ass off of the couch and check on Antonio… but my gut is stupid, so I never listen to it. I groaned after a minute or so and rolled over onto my stomach, burying my face into one of the pillows on the couch.

The click of Antonio's door opening caused me to jump a little. I listened to the sound of his feet shuffling toward me, and the groan of the springs as he sat down on the love seat. I craned my neck to peek over my shoulder at him and felt my face heat up. He was staring right at me. I changed my position on the couch so that I was sitting up again… he was _still_ staring at me. I quirked a brow and coughed awkwardly, "Er… what the hell is it, Bastard?"

Antonio sighed, "Man, I don't know," he ran a hand through his curly hair, "I was just thinkin' about what you and Francis were saying, and maybe you're right."

It took some effort to stop myself from jumping off of the couch and start dancing, "Is that so?" I said lamely.

"Yeah," Antonio said with a slight smile, "I look back to every moment that I can remember with Bella and me and… you were right about what you said earlier. There was no chemistry between us. Maybe we were both desperately holding on because we're both lonely."

I nodded and watched as Antonio crossed his legs. He had a content look on his face, "Maybe Francis is right… somebody else might love me out there. I wonder who…" his expression changed to a thoughtful one.

My face suddenly got very hot, and my chest felt very tight. I could feel my eyes sting as tears welled up in the corners of my eyes. I mentally cursed at myself for how emotional I was suddenly getting. _I love you, you idiot. Please… I just love you so much…_

"Hey, Lovi?" Antonio leaned forward and tried to study my face as I turned my gaze to my folded hands on my lap.

"What?" I said quietly.

"Are you okay? You look like you're about to cry..."

_Because I love you more than anything and you are completely oblivious to that. Because I miss how you used to hold me, how you used to kiss me, how you used to tell me that you loved me…_

I didn't say anything as Antonio got up from the love seat and sat down beside me. He continued to try to study my face, "Lovino? Tell me what's wrong, please, _mi querido…_"

My head spun around so that I was looking directly into his emerald orbs, "Why did you call me that?" I snapped.

_You call me a name that you once called me in the past. Do you mean it, or is it your way of showing affection to everyone? Will you really love me for a second time, or is this all some sort of sick joke?_

Antonio's mouth moved but no words came out. He actually looked surprised as well, "I- I don't know..." he admitted quietly.

_I can tell that you are shocked just as much as I am. You found it odd to call me such a loving name. So much could happen after this very moment; there are so many roads to take. But I am a coward…_

"J-just… never mind," I got up from the couch and rubbed my eyes with my sleeve, "You won't get it. No one will. I just need to-"

"W-wait!" Antonio grabbed my hand, "If you tell me, I _will_ understand. Please just sit down and tell me what's wrong!"

I stared at the man I loved with wide eyes. Fresh tears rolled down my cheeks, and Antonio slowly reach up his free hand to wipe them away. There were so many roads, so many possibilities. But like I said before, I was nothing but a coward. So I did the most cowardly thing ever… I batted his hand away that was reaching slowly for my face, and I pulled my other hand away that was still being held in his. I gave him one last look before I turned around and walked out the front door, making sure to slam it. Neither of us said a word.

oOo

It was too much. I swear, if I kept everything hidden inside, I probably would've exploded. After a long walk under the pink twilight sky, I finally reached my destination. I walked up to the automatic doors that led into the building, and jogged up the stairs to the second floor. I waked at a fast pace until I was standing in front of the door that had the number 108 neatly nailed onto it. I knocked softly on the slightly ajar door and stepped inside.

Mom was sitting up in her bed with her reading glasses on and a book in her lap. She turned her attention to me and smiled warmly, but her expression immediately went serious when she noticed my flushed face and puffy eyes. Before she could say anything, I sat down in the chair beside her bed and took her hand, "I love him, _mamma_, I love him so much…"

Her free hand gently closed over mine, "Antonio." She said in a soft voice, understanding immediately.

"Yes," I sighed, "But you don't understand… no one understands… I've loved him for five years."

I looked into my mother's hazel eyes, and could see slight confusion in them, "Explain it to me, Lovino," she said, "I'll understand you."

I smiled at her and took a deep breath, "Mom, do you believe in angels?"

She smiled back at me, "Of course I do."

I squeezed her hand, "Would you believe me if I told you that an angel visited me on one of the darkest days of my life?"

Mom let out a soft gasp and ran her fingers over her silver cross necklace, "And what did that angel do?"

I felt more tears in my eyes, but they weren't sad tears, "He gave me a miracle."

My mother's eyes were suddenly filled with overwhelming joy, and it felt as if a big weight was lifted off of my shoulder. She believed me. "Tell me your story, Lovino." She whispered.

So I told her everything. I made sure to add in every detail possible. With all of the details and slight dramatizations, my story dragged on for about a good hour. The entire time, mom looked extremely interested. She nodded along with my story, and made sure to feel every emotion that I was expressing. When I finally finished, I sat back down in my chair and gave her a desperate look, "So that is what happened… you don't think that this is complete bull sh-"

"Language," mom interrupted me, "and I believe every single word you said, Lovino. I knew that when Antonio first walked into my room, that he wasn't a stranger. Oh, Lovino!" She clasped her hands together and grinned, "Your story is so magical! I'm so glad that you told me everything… well, not only me..."

"Huh?" I gave my mother a weird look as she looked behind me.

Slowly, I turned around and jumped when I saw Feliciano leaning against the door frame. He was smiling (for once not like an idiot) and I could see tears streaming down his face. I swallowed, "Did you hear all of that?"

Feliciano nodded, "Every single word, Lovino!"

He ran up and wrapped his arms around my neck, "I knew it!" he breathed, "I'm not the only one who thought that Antonio looked strangely familiar!"

I blinked a couple times before answering, "R-really?"

"_Si_!" Feliciano let go of me and took my hand, "You are the luckiest man alive…" he said, "You need to take _even more_ advantage of this! Do whatever you can to make him love you again!"

I let out a nervous laugh, "Well you know I'm not really the type of person who ca-"

"Shut up!" Feliciano yelled, causing me to gawk at him as if he sprouted another arm. He was still smiling though, so that made me feel a little better… "I don't care at all about your limits! This is a chance that you _need_ to take, _fratello_!"

"Well, yeah, I was getting to it…" I said quietly.

"Antonio still loves you," Mom said behind me, "You don't have to make him love you again. What you need to do is make him realize that he _still_ loves you. He's probably just confused with this whole Bella situation..."

I looked at mom, then back at Feliciano. I could also imagine my father giving me the exact same encouragement. Damn him for being in Italy. I felt my lips tug into a smile wiped my arm across my face, getting rid of my happy tears (yeah, I know I'm a sap, so shut up). I took a deep breath and turned toward the door, "_Grazie,_" I said, "I'm going to go home right now."

Feliciano and mom both smiled at me, "Good luck." Mom said with a wink.

"Ditto!" Feliciano said with a goofy grin.

I laughed and waved at them before I started my way back home, feeling 100% better than I did before.

oOo

I let out a groan when I walked into the apartment, "What the hell are you two doing here?" I snapped.

Gilbert and Francis looked up from their poker game with relieved expressions, "There you are!" Gilbert cheered, raising his beer keg.

"What the fuck?" I said.

Francis sighed, "We were worried about you."

"What the fuck?" I repeated, "How the hell do you know what happened? Were you creeping in the walls or something? Wait, I don't even need to ask that. Knowing you two idiots, you _were_ creeping in the walls because you find no amusement unless you're creeping on-"

"Woa, woa, woa!" Gilbert raised his arms with his beer keg still in one hand, causing the frothy yellow liquid to slosh onto Francis' lap.

"_UGH!" _Francis shrieked like a girl and scurried to the kitchen to find a dish towel, "That is _dégoûtant_! Stop swinging that thing around, Gil!"

"Kesesesese! My bad Francie-panties! Well at least your legs smell almost as awesome as me!"

I pinched the bridge of my nose, "Shut the _fuck_ up!" I snapped, causing a pair of blue and red eyes lock onto me, "Okay…" I took a deep breath, "You still never answered my question: What the _hell_ are you two doing here?"

"Well," Francis sighed and sat back down beside Gilbert, "Antonio called us up to watch the apartment for him."

"Why?" I asked.

"He got worried about you." Francis gave me a serious look.

I swallowed, "Wh- where did he go?"

"We don't know for sure," Gilbert said after he downed the rest of his beer, "He went looking for you."

I slowly turned and looked out the kitchen window to see that it was completely dark outside, "D-did he take the car?" I asked quietly.

"No, he didn't." Francis said.

"So he's alone… wandering the streets at night time…"

Gilbert and Francis both exchanged a look before turning their attention back to me, "Uh… yeah." Gilbert said sounding confused.

I found it hard to breath, everything seemed way too familiar. Stress in the apartment… Antonio goes out at night… I suddenly gasped. It took me back to _that_ night…

oOo

_"Why can't you be more like your brother?"_

_I hated those words. I despised them so much, yet everyone said those words to me quite frequently. That was one of the reasons why I suffered from depression once in a while. Those words hurt as much as being shot in every internal organ and being forced to stay alive and feel the pain. And the one person I expected not to say those words said them. Right away, Antonio knew that he just made things a million times worse._

_There was a long pause before I started to sob._

_"I HATE YOU SO FUCKING MUCH! HOW COULD YOU SAY THOSE WORDS-?"_

_"Because it's fucking true!" Antonio snapped, "You need to get your act together, Lovino, because your attitude will get you nowhere in life!"_

_I didn't believe the words that just came out of Antonio's mouth. He meant them, he really meant them. Everything was too confusing… I felt as though I was in a nightmare, but I still knew that I was stuck in reality, and there was no way to escape it. I stared at Antonio with wide eyes. I didn't have a clue what my expression looked like, but I could tell that looking into my eyes sent a jolt of pain through Antonio's body. Judging by Antonio's expression, he was just as shocked as I was. He still meant those words though._

_"I need some air." Antonio said, looking away from my face._

_"AND DON'T FUCKING COME BACK! YOU HEAR, M-?" Antonio slammed the door in my face before I could finish screaming._

_That was the last time I saw Antonio._

oOo

I gasped again, remembering that very moment as if it just happened. Now I know that things didn't happen the same way, but for some reason standing there realizing that Antonio was out alone in the city at night brought back that memory so clearly, that it felt like I was hovering in the background reliving that moment from a different point of view. I turned and faced Gilbert and Francis again, who had extremely confused expressions on their faces, "I'm going to go look for him." I said.

"Wait, why? Hey Lovi-!" Before they could finish their questions, I slammed the door and bolted down the hallway. _Antonio, you had better be safe you bastard!_

**A/N: Oh gosh… I don't… XD I'm sorry if you don't like the end… I kind of rushed it. Also I apologize for the shortage of my last two chapters… :/ Well anyway here is the new chapter! Please reviewwwww~~~ reviews make me cry rainbows :D Oh yeah and sorry if there's a lot of typo's… I rushed through the editing too… *dies* Oh goodness it's snowing out! *0* ANYWAY, I hope to update again soon! Buh-bye~!**


	11. Chapter XI: Search Party

**A/N: I come onto my Hotmail after a couple days to see that it has been raped by emails from fanfiction… *cries* I thank everyone for your kind, kind reviews! I was actually a little nervous about how people would react to the last chapter, but here I am OVERLY pleased with the results! :D**

**I want to wish you all a Merry Christmas! I guess that this is your gift from me ;) Cause I doubt that I will update in the next couple days… maybe I will…? (doubt it XD)**

**Disclaimer: Hetalia is not mine, dear fellow! I know! What a shocker!**

oOo

I ran. What direction was I running in? Where exactly was I running to? Why exactly was I running to begin with? I didn't really care if people thought that I was a mad man running through the dark streets. I only had two important things on my mind anyway: running forward, and Antonio. I pushed my legs so hard that I couldn't even feel them. It made me wonder if I was actually running, or if I was flying.

The cool night air rushed into my nostrils and throat sharply as I ran, causing them to burn every time I drew in another short gasp. After running around like an idiot for God knows how long, I stumbled to a stop and leaned my weight on the side of a brick building. I flinched as I felt the cool, rough material rub against my skin through the thin fabric of my T-shirt._ Okay, Lovino, you need to clear your head…_

I sighed and ran my fingers through my tousled hair. What was I doing? What were the actual chances of Antonio getting jumped and killed in an ally for a second time? I paced back and forth with my hands in my jean pockets as I continued to repeat that question over and over in my head. After convincing at least my brain that Antonio was alright, I turned to head back home, but my gut didn't seem to agree with my brain. I absently placed a hand on my stomach as I felt it twist and un-twist inside my body. I groaned and finally turned my body away from the direction of the apartment and continued to make my way down the side walk, this time though only doing a fast walk.

oOAntonioOo

My lips tugged into an even deeper frown as I scanned my surroundings. I couldn't help but worry about Lovino. Why did he get up and leave the apartment like that? Why was he acting so strange before he decided to leave? Also, why was _I_ acting so strange? So many questions with absolutely no answers continued to run through my head as I walked down the sidewalk with my hands casually in my pockets.

A sigh escaped my lips and I watched my misty breath rise and disappear as it tried to join in with the clouds. It was unusually cold that night. I clicked my tongue randomly as I tried to think of something else to distract my mind with. The only other thing that came to mind though was something else that troubled me every day. Ever since that night in the hospital with Maria, I had been having that same weird dream every night. It was always the same too; two male lovers were fighting about something very late at night. The faces still remained anonymous, and the sound still seemed to mute whenever they would mention a name. There had to be a reason as to why I was having that dream _every single night_, but I couldn't figure it out! It was driving me insane!

I noticed some lights turn out in some houses, leaving all of the windows pitch black as the owners snuggled into their beds for the night. I guess that it was really getting late. "Oh, Lovi, you had better not be far because Boss is very tired and worried…" I mumbled to myself. Why did I (secretly) call myself Boss? Well, obviously because I was Lovino's superior that he looked up to very much (at least that was what I wanted to believe).

I sighed for probably the five billionth time and leaned against a wall as I thought. If I were an adorable little Italian, where would I go after randomly barging out of the apartment after a kind of awkward moment? I bit my lip… no particular place came to mind. Well, that was helpful.

More and more time went by as I walked down the street and rounded some corners. I don't know exactly how much time went by, but suddenly, my feet came to a halt. I felt a weird sense of energy gently poking at my side, causing me to glance to the right. My eyebrows twitched up when my eyes landed on what I guess was giving off that energy. I the corners of my mouth twitch into a smile as I stared a bench across the street. That was the bench where I met Lovino at… I could still remember that day perfectly. There he was, hunched over on the bench looking so miserable. I instantly felt my heart break when I saw him in the rain like that. I remember how when he looked at me, I saw intense recognition flash in his eyes, and at the speed of light he got up and wrapped his arms around me, mistaking me as someone else. I wonder who he thought I was at first…

My feet started to move again and I walked silently for another block until I found myself standing in front of the main gate to the cemetery. I swallowed before I walked slowly into the area. The streetlight from across the street caused the tomb stones to make creepy stretched out shadows that felt as if they were shadowy hands that were reaching out to grab my ankles. I rubbed my arms as I made my way to a grave that I had never visited in years. When I finally scouted out the average-sized rock, I felt tears sting the corners of my eyes. I knelt down and squinted at the name carved neatly into the stone: Carlos Carriedo.

I ran my fingers over the stone, feeling the indents where the name was carved. "Hey, dad…" I said quietly, "How are you doing?"

A sad smile stayed on my lips as I looked away from the stone to the empty space beside it. _Well that's weird…_ I studied the naked patch of ground that rested about a foot to the right from my father's grave. Surrounding this random patch of earth were multiple other tomb stones. I ran my hand over the hard dirt that felt as if it had been packed down with a shovel quite a while ago. That patch of ground… it just seemed too unnatural. It looked as if there was supposed to be another grave there or something… I felt almost sick to my stomach as I continued to study the ground. I know that it sounds weird, but I felt sort of drawn to that patch of dirt. Feeling kind of freaked out, I forced myself to look away from that area and back at my father's tomb stone, "I'll come back later _padre_… I'm sorry for not visiting as often as I should. I love you."

After taking one last glance at the ground beside dad's tomb, I got up from my squatting position and dusted my pants off. I was about to turn around, but ended up freezing when I heard a noise. That noise was footsteps… and fast footsteps too. Someone was running toward me…

oOLovinoOo

I stopped walking when I heard the sudden sound of fluttering wings, "Ah, hell!" I groaned.

"Well, that's not a very formal way to greet an angel."

I turned around and shot a glare at Arthur who was standing in his usual suit with his hands in his pockets, "What are you doing here?"

"I came to see what you were doing." Arthur said with a shrug.

"You sure as hell know what I am doing!" I growled, "And if you don't, then you suck at watching over me. If that is the case, then you should be fired from your angel job!"

Arthur sighed through his nose, "You're right, I do know exactly what you are doing. You're being a reactive idiot-"

"Fuck you, you fucking pu-"

"_But_ it's only natural, right?" Arthur finished with a thoughtful smile, "I would've done the exact same thing."

I sighed and shoved my hands in my pockets, "Yeah, whatever," I murmured, "So… would you by any chance know where Antonio is?"

Arthur shook his head and I groaned, "This is ridiculous," I said, "If I didn't run out of the apartment like a fucking retard earlier, then I wouldn't have worried Antonio! I should've just told him that I was going to the hospital…"

"So you told your mum about us angels, right?" Arthur said suddenly.

"Uh… yeah, I did. Is there something wrong with that?" I swallowed nervously.

"No," I could see that Arthur had a smile on his face, "it's just that I like how your mum and your brother believed you without any hesitation. You're really lucky to have such a loving and supportive family, Lovino. If I told my family that back when I was alive, they probably would've sent me to a mental hospital."

I could feel myself smile as well, "Yeah, I am lucky."

After a comfortable silence, Arthur cleared his throat, "Well then, I should get going."

I quirked a brow at him and said, "Why did you even come here in the first place?"

"Well, I came to tell you to check the cemetery because you might have luck there."

"Wai… I thought that you didn't know where Antonio was!" I gawked at Arthur as if he stripped down in his underwear.

"I lied." He said with a smirk.

"You cocky little-!" I started but was interrupted by the sound of fluttering wings. I rolled my eyes when there was no evidence that Arthur was even there in the first place.

I suddenly remembered that I was on the hunt for a certain Spaniard, so I aimed myself in the direction of the cemetery and was about to break out into a run again until I felt someone grab my shoulder. I let out a (very manly) yelp and spun around, ready to attack the creep who had the balls to touch me. "_Not the face!_" The man squealed as I was about to launch my fist at him.

I recognized that girly scream from anywhere and stopped myself from breaking his precious nose, "Oh, it's you." I said dryly.

"Hmph…" Francis huffed as he patted his hair, "your ability to be such a charmer continues to amaze me, Lovino."

I rolled my eyes, "What are you doing here?"

"Gilbert and I decided to help you out, so we split up to find you and Antonio." Francis explained.

I bit the inside of my cheek as I took a good look at Francis' face. He looked very troubled. "What the hell is wrong with you?" I said.

Francis opened his mouth as if he was about to say something, but clamped it back shut. After a couple seconds he opened it again and said, "L-Lovino… who was that man that you were talking to?"

I felt my pulse suddenly get very rapid and swallowed nervously. He could see Arthur? "What man?" I said lamely.

"You know! The one that you were talking to before you almost knocked my teeth out!" Francis waved his hand at the area where Arthur and I were talking at.

"O-oh, that guy!" I said, "He was just… he was just some random guy that I stopped to ask if he's seen Antonio. He told me that he saw a man that fit the description I gave him go toward the cemetery." I was praying that Francis didn't actually hear our conversation.

Francis didn't seem entirely convinced, "Alright then…" he said, so I guess he didn't hear the conversation, "It's just that…" Francis trailed off and bit his lip.

"What?" I said impatiently.

"I feel like I've seen that man before… and _where_ did he go? I looked away for a split second and he was gone! It's almost as if he disappeared into thin air!"

I snorted, "Th-that's impossible! I don't know about you, but I sure as hell saw him walk away on two feet!" I grabbed Francis' sleeve and started to lead in away from the area that we were in, "And… and what do you mean you feel like you've seen that guy before?"

Francis sighed and scratched the back of his head, "He just looked a lot like an old friend of mine… but that friend has passed away years ago so that can't be him, right?"

_His old friend couldn't be…_ I swallowed and nodded quickly, "Right. That definitely wasn't him, then."

oOAntonioOo

I felt my pulse race as my sudden adrenaline pumped through my veins. I flexed my muscles, trying to make myself as heavy as possible as the enemy rapidly approached. "_Rah_!" I yelled as I spun around, ready to tackle the evil man approaching my territory… that is, until I spotted the white hair.

"Oh." I said and felt all of my energy return back to normal.

"TOOOOOOONY!" The white-headed blur screamed as it jumped at me, about to tackle.

I let out a yelp as I felt the man's full body weight slam into me and knock me onto the ground. My back hit the uneven dirt with a solid _thud_, knocking the breath right out of me, "Ugh… hey… Gilbert…" I wheezed.

"Kesesesesese!" Gilbert cackled as he rolled off of me, "I was looking all over for you, man! Where the fuck were you?"

I coughed, "Gilbert… when you tackled me to the ground… my spine made a questionable-"

"_Ja, ja, _you're fine you baby!" Gilbert climbed off of the ground and offered me a hand, which I gladly accepted.

After he helped me up, we both took a moment to dust ourselves off before I looked at Gilbert with a slight frown, "Why did you come looking for me?"

"Well," Gilbert cracked his knuckles before continuing, "You were gone for quite a while, so Francis and I naturally got worried! Also, so did little Lovi~!" Gilbert chuckled and playfully nudged my shoulder.

"Wait… I'm out here looking for_ him_ the whole time, and during that time, he comes back home and starts to look for _me_?" I pursed my lips and stared at my feet.

"Uuuh…. _Ja_!" Gilbert said.

"Hn… well why didn't anyone, y'know, call me? Then I would've come straight home and none of us would be out here in the creepy night!" I groaned.

"Well, we would've," Gilbert said thoughtfully, "But Lovino got so worried about you being out here at night for some reason, that he ran right back out the door once he came back!"

I felt my cheeks heat up slightly, "Lovi got _that_ worried about me? How cute…" I couldn't help but grin.

Gilbert's scarlet eyes studied my face, making me suddenly feel slightly uncomfortable, "Er… what?" I asked.

"Oh… nothing." Gilbert said before turning around and peering down the street, "Oh! Hey! Look at who it is!"

I looked in Gilbert's direction and smiled when I saw two men running in our direction. One was well-built and blond… who was alright, I guess. The one who I was actually excited to see, though, was the smaller man beside him with the dark auburn hair that bounced as he jogged his way toward us. I grinned wider and waved at them as they entered the gate to the cemetery, "Hey Lovi!" I said immediately.

Lovino, who was panting and scowling, didn't look equally pleased. Instead, the Italian marched right up to me and hit me _hard_ on the shoulder. "Ow! Lovi that wasn't very nice!" I pouted as I rubbed my now-sore shoulder.

"Oh… trust me I know!" Lovino growled at me, "What the _fuck_ were you thinking you idiot?"

I smiled, "What? Was Lovi worried about me walking alone at night?"

There was that blush that I was waiting for, "Lovi! You look like a tomato!" I giggled.

"I do fucking not!" Lovino snapped, "And _no fucking way_! I wasn't worried about _you_! I'm just pissed off at the fact that you decided to go out and look for me! I'm a grown man, so I don't need people to make their own fucking search party if I don't get back by their little curfew that I know nothing about! I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself!"

"I understand Lo-"

"Then _why_ did you decide to go out and look for me?"

I smiled and walked up to Lovino, not even hesitating to wrap my arms around his slender frame, "Is it wrong for me to worry about you?" I said in almost a whisper.

I could feel the Italian tense up, but then suddenly his muscles relaxed, and I could feel his arms twitch up to rest lightly on my lower back. I smiled and inhaled his scent…

"_Ahem!_" The sound of Francis clearing his throat caused us both to jump and separate. Francis snorted at us and rolled his eyes, "Alright _mon amis,_ I think that now is about the time that we head home, _oui_?"

"Fuck yes!" Gilbert lazily slung an arm around Francis' shoulders, "The awesome me is ready to snooze 'till noon!"

Francis chuckled and slung an arm around Gilbert's shoulder as well, "_Mon Dieu!_ That is so unhealthy and childish! You should get up at seven thirty every morning like I do, then you don't sleep half of your day away!"

"That's the point!" Gilbert laughed, causing a laugh to escape Francis as well.

I couldn't help but let out a small laugh at my two best friends in front of me. My eyes looked down to where the suddenly quiet Lovino was to see that he was smiling at them as well. He could feel my gaze, for his amber eyes glanced quickly up at mine and his smile faltered. I smiled again, this time at him, and couldn't resist brushing my fingers against his. I grinned when he took the hint and entwined our fingers together. Lovino of course blushed like a tomato and avoided eye contact, but his grip on my hand tightened as we started to make out way back home. We held hands the entire way back home. By then, I could tell that things were getting interesting.

**A/N: GOODNESS THAT TOOK LONG… it is now 2 in the morning and I wanna go to sleeeeeep XD But not until I read, edit and publish this first _ So it's officially Christmas Eve now… CHRISTMAS IS A DAY AWAY! :D So again, Merry Christmas to you all! This is my present to you! :3 Pleeeease reviewww~~ and that can be your present to me? :D Lol, really your reviews inspire me so much! ^^**

**PS: Don't eat me if there are a lot of mistakes please A may I remind you that its 2:13 AM? Lol :P I went over this as best as I could (half asleep) though!**


	12. Chapter XII: Second First Love

**A/N: *SNIIIFF* reviews…. They made me soooo happy ; A; Sorry I kind of disappeared for..A LONG TIME ; A;.. but now exams are finally over, so that was a sign to tackle this story again ^^ You know one night I was trying to sleep but I JUST COULDN'T. Ideas kept coming and coming and just like that, I had the entire climax scene figured out! :D So I kept replaying it in my head and I'm really excited for when I get to write it hehe X3**

**Disclaimer: Je ne possède rien du tout! Oh hon hon! D**

**oOo**

After that overwhelming night when I chased around like an idiot looking for Antonio, things just seemed to die down. It was just like a rollercoaster after a fucking long drop, and then it stretches on with nothing but straight boring tracks for miles and miles. Things weren't better, but they weren't worse.

Antonio seemed to forget entirely about that night. I remember that he sat me down for questioning after we got home, but of course I wouldn't tell him shit simply because of my fear to tell not only him, but _anyone_ what I was thinking. It's not like I didn't want him to know. We left it at that and never brought it up again. I know that even Antonio knew that it was kind of odd for me to run around frantically like that, so it made me restless to think that the subject was just "dropped" like that. Did I do something wrong?

Weeks turned into months, and soon my restlessness went out the door as well. I tried to put on some pounds, but didn't have luck. At least I didn't lose any… Mom remained in the hospital, but at least her health stayed generally the same as before. My relationship with Antonio didn't improve to what I wanted it to be, but it at least stayed the same. Like I said; things weren't better, but they weren't worse.

Autumn was finally noticeable, for the harsh colors of fire littered the once-green trees. The grass faded and had a tint of brown from the chilly weather. Jeans, jackets and scarves were replacing shorts, sandals and T-shirts. I sighed, watching my breath rise toward the gray clouds. Shivering slightly, I hunched my shoulders, trying to bury myself deeper into my new jacket as I tightened my grip on the two grocery bags I held in my left hand. My feet scuffed slightly on the sidewalk as I walked home quietly. When I finally reached the building, I felt a small smile tug at the corners of my lips.

"I'm home." I called in a bored tone as I let myself into the apartment.

I found myself feeling slightly surprised at the comfortable silence in the apartment. Usually I'd come home to see Antonio, Francis and Gilbert snickering over Gilbert's Doctor Who episodes on DVD. I smiled as I remembered them all hooting and cheering over this one episode while Francis stood up looking like he was a fucking king as he yelled, "_I told you so! I knew it!_" My friends were so idiotic and childish. Honestly, out of all of the things some grown men could do…

"You look like you're in a good mood!"

"_Huh?_" I yelped as I spun around, to see Antonio relaxing on the sofa with a novel in his hand. Oh _mio dio_, he was wearing reading glasses…

"You also looked like you were deep in thought!" Antonio chuckled.

I scoffed, "Moron, of course I was, otherwise I wouldn't have gotten the living shit scared out of me!" I looked back at him, hoping that my blush wasn't that noticeable, "Shit, I didn't even realize that you were there when I walked in."

"That's because I'm a ghost! _Awooooooooooooh~!_" Antonio fluttered his hands around as he made lame ghost noises.

"Idiot," I simply snorted as I walked into the kitchen with my bags, "I got the tomatoes and other things like you asked."

"Oh, yay!" Antonio hopped up from the couch and scurried into the kitchen to help me unpack, "I'm sorry for asking you to do that, Lovi. I hope it wasn't too much of a burden!"

"Oh, hell no!" I said as I put some milk in the fridge, "When there are no tomatoes in the house… that's just a serious fucking problem."

We both stopped at what we were doing and looked at each other for a second before we both started laughing. "That is true, Lovi!" Antonio chuckled, "Nobody understands the seriousness of no tomatoes like we do!"

I let out a light laugh again as I continued to unpack the groceries. When I finished with my bag, I turned around and cocked up an eyebrow when I saw that Antonio was staring at me, "What is it, fucker?"

He let out another short laugh, "You really are in a good mood today, Lovi!"

I rolled my eyes, "Yeah, yeah, I guess I am."

"I like this!" Antonio hummed, "You should be in a good mood more often, because it makes boss' heart _pound_ when he sees you smile~!"

Well that was blunt. I clicked my tongue and nodded awkwardly, "Uh-huh."

Antonio chuckled, "It seems like my words took you by surprise, Lovi."

"You sure know how to make things awkward, _Toni_." I said dryly.

"Well I don't feel awkward at all!" Antonio said thoughtfully.

"That's because you don't know how to read the atmosphere! You'd have better luck reading a fucking rock!"

Antonio scrunched his brows together as if he were deep in thought, "Yep, you should smile more often. Not only that, you should laugh too! Did you know that it takes my breath away when I hear the sound of your laughter?"

I made a weird sound in the back of my throat as I stared at Antonio who was smiling like an idiot. Seriously, what the fuck? I ended up repeating my exact thoughts, "Seriously, what the fuck?"

"What do you mean?"

"You know what I mean! Your creeping me out… stop it!" I snapped.

As Antonio's emerald eyes flashed with a hint of playfulness, I felt a shiver go down my spine. He was acting weird… he was acting… almost as if… I gulped when Antonio took a step forward, so that he was looking down at me. I shivered again as I felt his warm breath caress my red face, which was probably hot enough to raise the room temperature by ten degrees. His breath was even and calm, as mine was short and panicked. A sweet smile was on Antonio's lips, and his eyes morphed from playful to gentle, "Am I really, Lovino?"

Holy shit. Holy fucking shit. My clammy palms slipped slightly as I gripped the counter top behind me, hoping that it would provide me some support because my knees sure as hell weren't. I didn't know what to say. I didn't know what to do. My throat was suddenly dry, and I couldn't find the strength to swallow. What was going on? Why was Antonio slowly leaning in closer to me? Was he drunk? Was he serious? Or was he mocking me? I stared into his eyes, desperate for answers. Antonio gently placed his hands on top of mine that were still gripping the counter, and suddenly I saw something flash in those intense emerald orbs staring into mine. It was a mixture of desperation and longing… one that I have seen before in the past. _I have to do something…_ I took a deep breath and ended up doing the first random thing that popped into my head.

"Ah…" I managed to say quietly.

Antonio quirked a brow, "Ah?"

"A-ah..." I said, a little bit louder.

He didn't say anything else; instead he gave me a nervous look as if he was regretting his sudden moves. I swallowed hard and darted my eyes around, wanting to escape the awkwardness.

"_Ah…_"

"Lov-?"

"_ACHOO!"_

Antonio stumbled back with a confused look that was quickly replaced by an amused one, "Did you just fake sneeze?"

I sputtered some nonsense, trying to look offended, "F-fuck no! Who the hell_ does_ that?"

Antonio folded his hands together behind his back, "Maybe people who are desperate to escape an awkward situation…" his voice was quiet, but I could hear the sadness in it.

Instead of being more reactive then necessary, I stayed quiet for once. I felt my face relax as I studied Antonio. He was obviously feeling nervous, and unsure of what to do. He regretted his bold moves, because he was convinced that I had no desire to return his feelings that he probably recently realized. He was extremely confused, because he was sure that I had feeling for him (probably after having a conversation with Francis that I wasn't supposed to know about). And lastly, he was clearly frightened. He was frightened about what would happen in the close future, and I believe that my silence was not really soothing the tightness in his chest.

For the first time in my life, I could completely understand Antonio's feelings. He had always been someone who was hard to read and unpredictable. So seeing Antonio standing there, letting me understand everything that he was feeling without a single word being spoken, made him appear to be somewhat vulnerable in my eyes. I didn't suddenly feel a huge overwhelming wave of relief, nor did I collapse to my knees and thank God through tears. Instead, I slowly walked up to Antonio until there was a small gap between us. My heart was pounding in my chest, but I felt calm. I felt my lips twitch into a small smile, and smiled wider when his did the same.

"Idiot…" I mumbled, and did something I never even dreamed of doing before. I gently placed a hand on his shoulder and stood on my tippy-toes as I closed the space in between us. I lightly brushed my lips against his, and that was enough to send jolts of something that felt like a soothing electricity through my body. I shivered as I felt it jolt through my body. It was as if I was a dead battery that was finally being recharged after lying abandoned in a dumpster for so many years.

Antonio seemed to snap out of whatever he was thinking, because he suddenly placed his strong hands on my hips and returned the kiss. A small moan escaped my throat as I slid my arms around his neck, and I felt his do the same around my waist. When we pulled away for air, I gazed into his eyes that seemed to be glowing… and that's when I lost my sudden boldness.

I choked on my spit and started coughing like an idiot as I pushed him away. I looked back at him when I managed to stumble a few feet away and felt my entire body heat up even more, "Uh... we…"

Antonio just stood there with his usual idiotic grin, "We just kissed, Lovi!"

"I-I fucking know that, moron!" I snapped.

"You don't know how happy boss is!" Antonio sang and tackled me with a hug that I was too late to run away from.

"Oh… g-great…"

"Lovino Vargas," Antonio whispered in my ear, "please be my boyfriend."

I felt a shiver go down my spine, "You're… not serious." I mumbled.

"Of course I am!" Antonio said, spinning me around so that he could stare into my eyes.

His gaze was intense, and I felt as if I were slowly shrinking, "But… weren't you in love with Bella a few months ago?" I said desperately.

Antonio sighed, "I do recall telling you that I didn't really love her. I just _thought_ that I loved her."

I swallowed as a looked away, knowing exactly what I wanted him to say, "Then… who do you love?"

My eyes glanced back at Antonio, and he was smiling warmly. His hands slid down from my shoulders and gently grabbed my hands. "I think you know who I love," he said softly as he leaned in and kissed my forehead. He then leaned down further and kissed both of my cheeks, my nose, then finally my lips, "I love you, Lovino."

My heart pounded so hard, that it felt like it was about to burst out of my chest. Tears stung the corner of my eyes, so I leaned forward and rested my forehead on his shoulder, "Me too…" I whispered.

I closed my eyes as I felt his warm arms wrap around my frame. The way he said that he loved me… was exactly the same way that he said it before, so I knew that he really meant it. Everything was perfect; my wish that I made on the first day I met Antonio for the first time _again_ had finally come true. Nothing could ruin my good mood… at least that's what I though.

"_Oh hon hon hon~!_ Are we interrupting _something_?"

My mood was ruined.

"_Holy fucking shit!_" I yelled and jumped out of Antonio's arms.

"Well shit Franny, I think that we did! _Kesesesese~!_"

I don't know how I looked, but Antonio had a smile on his face as if nothing had happened, "Oh hey guys! What's up?"

Francis walked in slowly, glancing at me, and then at Antonio, "The question is, _mon ami,_ what is up with _you_?"

"Oh!" Antonio looked at me, then smiled, "Lovi and I are going out!"

I choked on nothing and collapsed on the floor.

"It's about _time_!" Gilbert cheered, whipping a beer keg out of _somewhere_ and raising it in the air.

Francis let out a girly squeal, "Indeed! _Finally!_ _Mon dieu~!_ We need to celebrate!"

I watched as Francis scurried to the kitchen, and let my head hit the hard wood floor with a _thud. _Gilbert plopped on the sofa and rested an ankle on his knee, "So when are you guys having sex?"

"_Auuuugh!_" I groaned and started to grip the floor, trying to drag myself away. I seriously wanted to die.

Antonio ignored the question, "Lovi, why are you on the floor?"

"…I'm not on the floor."

"Uh, yeah you clearly are!" Antonio chuckled.

I sighed heavily through my nose and managed to get up off the floor. I glared at Antonio and Gilbert before walking into the kitchen to see what Francis was up to. I propped myself up onto the counter beside Francis and looked at him with a frown. Francis looked up from the stove and met my eyes, "What's up?"

"Did you tell Antonio about my feelings?" I wasn't exactly mad about it, but I remember that he promised not to tell him.

Francis chuckled, "You would think that Antonio always needs the blunt truth to understand something, but no, I did not tell him a single thing about you!"

"Er… but you did say something, right?"

"Well, _oui_. I believe it was something cheesy like, '_the one you love may be closer to you then you think_' or something." Francis said before winking at me.

I snorted, "Alright, whatever."

Francis turned his attention back to the stove, "I knew it…"

"Huh?"

He smiled, "When you told me how you felt, I remember thinking '_well this will be easy_' because I saw something, ever since I first saw Antonio walk up behind you when you answered the door those many months ago."

"You saw something?" I scoffed, "What are you, a fucking fortune teller?"

"Oh, hush!" Francis huffed, "I just knew, okay? Now leave me alone! I'm trying to cook a celebration meal!"

"Okay, whatever bastard!" I snorted.

I hopped off of the counter and stared at the floor for a second. I felt weird… kind of like how you feel in a fuzzy dream when you know that everything isn't real. I sighed and glanced around before pinching myself. Nope, this was real. I peeked into the living room and saw that Antonio and Gilbert were happily chatting. I sighed and thought about Feliciano… he would probably want to know the news right away. I groaned, the excitement level in the house was overwhelming... it was not like we just got fucking engaged or something!

Another sigh escaped my lips as I went to my room to get my phone. I seriously almost pissed myself when I opened my door to see Arthur sitting on my bed. _"Oh my fucking shit!_" I yelped.

Arthur raised a caterpillar eyebrow at me, "Why is it that you never greet me with a _'Hello Arthur! How nice to see you!_' or maybe a '_What a pleasant surprise, Arthur! How have you been?_' Instead, I always get a trail of curses." He sighed and shook his head.

"What the _fuck_ are you doing in my room?" I demanded.

"Sittin' on your bed." He said, his accent becoming thicker with annoyance. He then cleared his throat, "Also, I came here to congratulate you."

"Holy shit it's not like we're going to get married!" I groaned.

Arthur rolled his eyes, "I know, but you deserve is because you have achieved your goal. Wasn't your goal something like, '_I will make Antonio fucking fall in love with me whether he likes it or not_'?"

"How did you know that?" I asked, only recalling myself saying that in my head.

"I'm an angel, that's why."

I sighed and leaned against the wall deciding to ask something randomly, "I've been wondering, does your job get boring? You know… you're always watching me and stuff."

Arthur stared at me with a blank expression, "Yup." He said bluntly.

"You fuc-!"

"Well it was nice chatting, but I have to go to someplace that is not here. Cheerio!" He gave a little wave before he was gone in the blink of an eye.

Yet another sigh escaped my lips as I looked around my empty room. I was about to reach for my phone when I heard Antonio call from the living room, "Lovi! Come join us, _mi amor~!_"

My heart slammed against my chest again. I never thought that I would hear him say that again in my life. My phone on my desk suddenly started to vibrate as I opened the door, causing me to jump. I rolled my eyes and ignored it. It probably wasn't even important. As entered the living room, I immediately locked eyes with Antonio who was smiling warmly at me. I broke the eye contact as I made my way to the sofa and plopped down beside him. He suddenly reached for my hand, and I actually didn't pull away. Instead of paying attention to whatever those idiots were talking about, though, I was thinking about myself.

I was living a second life pretty much, and I talked to a British angel who didn't fit the definition of "angelic" at all. I knew all the details about dying and going to heaven, and oh yeah, I got Antonio to fall in love with me for the second time even though this was technically his first time falling in love with me… possibly. That's when I finally came to an assumption: my life was fucked up. But really, was that such a bad thing?

**A/N: AAAH FINALLY DONE. To be honest, I was working on this chapter for about a month. OTL I would lose interest after writing a couple paragraphs, leave it for a week, come back and work on it… then the pattern would continue. Whooot! I know, you're probably like "OMG FINALLY after 12 freaking chapters they kiss!" haha BUUT there is more to comeee MWAHAHAHA! *chokes on a fly* Sorry if there's bad grammar… and if the end seems rushed**

***sigh* anyway, I hope you enjoyed _ I really appreciate the reviews! Maybe you can review as a present for passing all of my exams! *cough*exceptmath*cough* _ But I still passed the class. Well guys, keep reviewing and I'll keep up the writing! Bye bye till next time! ^^**


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